Making Etiquette Easy: Spouse Cling-Ons

Image from www.debbiebabbles.blogspot.com

Many married couples, especially those who've chosen to get married later in life, have experienced their share of significant relationships prior to entering their current union. And for the most part, the appropriate place for those old high school sweethearts is in the dusty yearbooks tucked away in storage. On occasion, however, there can be a 'memory of ghosts boyfriend/girlfriend past' who doesn't want to exit the picture when he or she should. If you're experiencing a case of the 'ex cling-ons,' here's the appropriate way to handle the situation:

• Talk with your spouse: Before deciding to take matters into your own hands, you should talk things through with your partner. Perhaps they didn't realize how offended you were by former girlfriend/boyfriends text messaging or Facebook posting. Or maybe they are unsure of how to handle the situation because the person happens to work in the same office as they do. Opening the lines of communication is key.
• Address the offender: This is not the time for you to make a 'jealous spouse' debut. Make sure that you allow your spouse to address his/her former fling themselves. In a calm and virtually emotionless tone, he or she should inform the other person that the calls/texts/visits are bothersome to both of you and that they are inappropriate given the current circumstances. He or she may wish them well and end the call.
• If he or she won't...If your spouse is too uncomfortable to manage the conversation for themselves - even though it rightfully is their responsibility - you may intercede on their behalf. Just make sure you are level in your voice and to the point. If the opposing party thinks they've made you loose sleep over the issue, they're achieving what they set out to do.
• Close the door: If the cling-on continues to try to contact your spouse - worse yet if they try to do it in secret- the best option is to ignore them completely. The message has already been made clear and their disrespect for your marriage should send up red flags even for a friendship.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina