Making Etiquette Easy: The Money Complainer

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Most of us have seen some hard times in our past and have, at one point or another, been at the mercy of a budget. So we can totally sympathize when one of our friends is reformatting his or her life in light of recent financial changes. But it's taken to a whole new level when all we hear about it how 'strapped' they are, and watching them turn bitter as their complaints keep broadening. You can be there for your friend while also being the voice of reason by following the etiquette tips below:

• Dealing with the Complaints: Acknowledge your friend's complaints by letting him or her know that you are sorry to hear of their trouble. Resist the urge to paint the silver lining, since you don't want to downplay their struggle. If they continue to pester you with the same remarks, say, "Yes, you mentioned that. Again, I'm sorry."
• Organizing Positive Meet-ups: It's likely that your friend won't be initiating any contact for a while as financial messes can end up making them feel trapped inside the house. Reach out to him or her and suggest things you can do together that won't cost anything. Think about picnics in the park, a Redbox movie night, or a walk at the park.
• Being Wary of Spending Habits: It's very frustrating to have a friend always discussing his or her lack of cash, only to find that they are wearing the latest designer shoes or carrying Apple's most recent invention. In this scenario, you should express your concern for the person by letting them know you've heard what they've been saying, but also see what they've been spending. Offer to talk openly about how they're dealing with the transition.
• Don't be Bothered: For some people, complaining about money might not even be a real indication of financial trouble. Ever met a straight A student who never felt like he or she did 'well' on a test? It's in some peoples' nature to shed a negative light on things. If this is the case of your friend, either ignore the remarks or politely point out that they're usually more responsible than they infer they are.
  

Making Etiquette Easy: Paying for Advice

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What is it our parents always said?,"If Joey jumps off the bridge, are you going to jump too? Learn from other people's mistakes." But the reality is, some us still learn the hard way - trial and error. As it is with my own professional experience over the years, I have a wealth of friends and resources who have achieved similar gains in their respective fields. This means I typically know who to call should I need sound advice about my taxes, a new home purchase, or even a wardrobe makeover.

When you seek advice from friends or colleagues, here are the things to remember:

• People work for money. Try to remember this principle when asking to borrow someone's time, especially if it is taking time away from their family. Always make the first move and offer to pay for their time/service. They may turn you down, of course, but you should always offer and at the very least, take them to lunch or drop by a small gift.
• Creative paybacks are acceptable. As stated above, your friend may not accept payment from you, but odds are they will accept another form of gratitude. Perhaps you can offer to assist them in the future if they have a need that falls under your professional umbrella. Think of it as the 21st century barter...
• When in doubt, don't compromise. If you get the feeling that what you're asking for is too much, too privatized, or putting your friend in an awkward position, back down. It's far more important to preserve the relationship than to settle your questions in the present. You can always ask your friend for recommendations of other professionals to reach out to.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Soliciting Donation Money

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Each of us has a cause we love to support, and in many cases we have several causes to support. Because we can be so passionate about those we are helping, it can be hard to draw the line between soliciting donations and abusing our friendships and families for every last dollar. Here are some guidelines to make sure your charity work is charitable for everyone:

• You should almost always feel comfortable approaching family for donations. They are your supports and should be the first resource you turn to. But with distant relatives, try not to reach out to them more than twice a year.
• With friends, you should limit your solicitations to two or three times a year, unless they explicitly state that they want to be more involved in all the work you are doing. You don't want someone to suspect your friendship is obligatory.
• It's okay to send out group emails to your contact list notifying them of opportunities, so long as you protect their email addresses by bcc-ing everyone.
• If you continually are ignored or refused, consider asking the person what causes they support and try to only notify them of similar causes. You should always try to help with opportunities they bring up as well. If you aren't getting anywhere, remove them from your call list.
  

Making Etiquette Easy: They Want to Pay

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Let's face it, we can't all afford to dine at five star restaurants each night and travel every weekend to an exotic destination. But chances are, we all have friends who seem to indulge themselves a little more every once and a while. When they offer to pay for us to join in the fun, why is it so hard to accept them paying our way? Before you jump to say 'no' on the next evening out with your jet-setting friends, here are a few things to remember:

• They would be thrilled. People love to share fun things with good company. If they frequently have an over-the-top lifestyle, it certainly isn't belittling to welcome you in on their plans and pay for it. Remember that social offers aren't obligatory, they are for fun.
• A simple thanks will do. If they've made it clear they will be paying for the evening/activity, don't try to pull out your wallet or continuously make comments about how you feel you should be paying. Simply say thank you and remember to send a note.
• Real friends are just that. True friends actually want to spend time with you, and money isn't an issue. Consider it to be their version of hospitality, even if yours looks more like a backyard BBQ.
  

Making Etiquette Easy: Backing out of Financial Commitments

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While it's never fun to be the 'party-pooper' when it comes to doing fun things with friends, sometimes we find ourselves on the outskirts of the planning process and miss the memo about pricing. So if you find yourself in the runnings for splitting a big bill without your consent, it can be tricky to navigate a way out. If you have to say no, here's how to do it with class:

• In a perfect world, it's best to state your intentions up front, before the planning gets started. For instance, if a group of friends wants to go to Mexico next summer, let them know that your interested but that you have to stay within a set budget. Or if you worry the funds could get muddled, perhaps you state that you are considering buying your own lodging/food while there. This notifies the group that they cannot just lump you into the sum without permission.
• If the planners do make reservations without your consent, contact them immediately. Don't let things sit and stir as there still might be time to fix the problem. Let them know you misunderstood. If the cost is non-refundable and you do feel like you misled the others, offer to pay cancellation fees or even a portion of the trip cost- still much cheaper than actually going.
• Never borrow money to afford the trip.
• If you do decide to go or participate, don't be embittered towards the others in the group. Try to be a good sport and the next time there is a financial collaboration, offer to help organize so that you can control what is spent.
  

Making Etiquette Easy: Money & Family

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As we've all grown older, it's obvious that the traditional platform of our parents providing for us and our siblings should be winding down when we hit our 20's, right? Some have found that even our parents - let alone siblings - are running into financial trouble as a result of the stock market, economy, or just plain money-management issues. If we're living the 'good life,' how can we help family members financially without overstepping our bounds?

• First, take the time to think about whether offering financial help will be received graciously or if your offer could be taken the wrong way and end up being offensive. Each family has their own dynamics
• Second, formulate a specific way to help. Many families find that offering money as a one-time gift alleviates the strings of feeling indebted. However, some family members may want to pay you back, so be open to letting them work up a payment plan. Just remember, no matter how good the intentions, you must treat it as a gift in case they aren't able to pay you back.
• Thirdly, money isn't the only option. Chances are that your family members have had to sacrifice along the way. Consider treating them to dinner, sending gift cards to the local supermarket, or surprising them with little gifts along the way. The key is to minimize the focus on their humility and instead perform casual acts of kindness.
• It's easier to give when "the ask" doesn't happen every day. You definitely do not want to be an "enabler" when it comes to family member who cannot manage their finances, so if you do get a request for a loan "just to get them through the month," feel free to offer them in establishing a budget, etc.
• Lastly, learn from experience. Mixing money and family can be a very delicate dance. If you notice that the family members are abusing your generosity or simply not being good stewards of the gifts, it's probably time to close the bank.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Tipping

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Have you ever found yourself walking out of an establishment or getting into your valet parked vehicle wondering, ‘should I have tipped that person?’ Here’s a refresher course on when and what to leave when certain services have been rendered:

The Tipping Scale:

Anything less than 10% indicates you were not satisfied

15% usually means that you had average service

20% or more means that you were exceptionally pleased

This scale is based off of the pre-tax total.

Who Should you tip?

• Skycaps at the airport
• Valet
• Paid Car Services/Paid Shuttles/Taxis
• Mechanics
• Barbers/Hairdressers
• Spa Services
• Floral Deliveries
• Food Deliveries
• Garbage Collectors
• Mail Carriers
• Bell Hops
• Concierge
• Maids
• Musicians
• Room Service
• Bartenders
• Waiter/Waitress
• Wash Room Attendants

Who should you not feel obligated to tip?

• Flight Attendants
• Bus drivers
• Doormen
• Desk Clerks
• Fast Food Employees
• Museum Guides
• Salespeople
• Theater Ushers
• Bus Boys

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Adult Birthday Dinners

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While we may have traded in the days of face-painting and jump-houses to rightfully celebrate our birthdays, we haven’t stopped creatively celebrating them into our adult years. But sometimes the colors and crayons seemed so much simpler. Nowadays we have to figure out if we can bring gifts, who’s paying, and what’s expected of us. Here are a few birthday party tips to keep in mind:

• No Gifts means No Gifts: If you read on an invitation that the honored guest requests no gifts, do not bring one. No matter how you feel about coming empty-handed, it will be much more uncomfortable for the host, the honored guest and the rest of the party who correctly abided by the instructions. You can always make a donation to their favorite charity and write that message inside their birthday card.
• If they don’t want a Party, don’t have one: Sure, you may be a party-planner extraordinaire, but the last thing you want to do is go against the wishes of the person you are trying to respect.
• Ageless Invitations: Typically, unless it’s a mile marker invitation that the honored guest agrees to ‘fess’ up to, leave the age off of the invitation. A lot of women and men prefer not to publicize their age on party invitations.
• Who Pays for What: Always take your cue from the invitations. If the honoree has sent out an invitation and invited you to join them for dinner, it is proper to let them pay. If they simply indicated a meeting point for a gathering, it is likely that you will be paying for your own meal and then chipping in for the birthday man/woman.
• Most importantly, have fun while celebrating another year with friends and family.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Money without Strings

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In business, we’re often faced with opportunities to treat our clients or potential business partners to out-of-the-ordinary events, from a five-star meal overlooking a super skyline to a relaxed weekend get-away. In each of these situations, we are playing host and allowing someone else to be our guest. With matters of money, etiquette is needed indeed:

• Options & Opportunities: When providing a client, boss or colleague the option or opportunity to do something, you are giving them a choice. Just because you are offering something paid-for, it doesn’t mean they are obliged to join in. Realize that business opportunities are just that, and if someone declines, do not take it personally.
• Grace & Humility: Yes, you are the one carrying the cash and signing the receipts, but this doesn’t give you permission to act in a flashy or arrogant manner. Keep cash tucked away and don’t share the value of activities with the group. Simply handling the bills and accepting a ‘thank you’ from clients or guests is the polite thing to do.
• Be consistent: It would be impolite for your guests to take advantage of what you are offering by expecting that everything be paid-for during a trip or similar affair, but it is equally as impolite if you mislead them into thinking everything is "covered," if it's not. The best policy is to be upfront. You are more likely to hit a home run with all of those in attendance and make the most of your hospitality.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Splitting the Tab

Just the other night, I was talking to a group of friends at dinner about a fairly common and somewhat uncomfortable topic of 'splitting the tab' in a group situation. What happens when you decide to have a salad and water and the guy three seats down orders lobster and wine? When it comes time for the check and everyone has a different preconceived notion of how the bill will be taken care of, the fiscal nightmare might be more heartburn than the food. All of this is without mentioning the toll it takes on both business and social relationships. Here are a few guidelines to ensuring you put yourself in the 'I ate this, I'll pay for this' or 'We'll split everything as one big happy group' camp by choice:

• One way to go about this is to determine who will handle the bill at the end of the night before even arriving at the restaurant. Probably the only acceptable circumstance to utilize your cell phone at a dinner - just be discrete - diners can use their calculator/tip applications to calculate their total fee. Add 27% to your food & drink bill to cover tax and tip and give the money to the designated person.


• Unless you have personally done the inviting and plan to take care of the whole bill, most people expect to split the bill evenly on a business lunch/dinner. An extra five or ten dollars isn't worth causing tension in a business relationship. It's the little things that show the business character in yourself and others.


• If you're concerned about splitting the bill--even the first time you dine with someone, it is not at all inappropriate to notify the waiter before the meal that you want a separate check. The key is to do this beforehand; afterward can cause tension for the waiter, who didn't plan for separate checks. Let the waiter know that they can add 20% gratuity to your check, giving them an incentive to make things go smooth as well.


• Try to bring cash and small bills, which can also alleviate the escalating fees of 'just put it on my card.' It is perfectly acceptable to budget beforehand and stick to your plan, especially in today's economy.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina