Making Etiquette Easy: Keeping your Campaign Season Composure in Check While at Work

 

Every two years in the fall, our lives are consumed by the passion of politics as we near the first Tuesday in November, Election Day. Our yards, cars, and conversations all tend to reflect our political beliefs, as well as the candidates we endorse. Even though as Americans we have the right to practice the first amendment, I urge caution when it comes to political discourse in your professional landscape. Below, I have compiled a few things to consider before opening the door to politics in the office.  

                ­-The politicians we support are a direct reflection of what we believe.  Even in Texas, not everyone prescribes to the same belief system.  People come from a variety of backgrounds and upbringings, which ultimately shapes their world view. Our ability to elect government officials who we feel represent us is important to folks, and with that can come a strong emotional tie. Choosing to discuss politics in the office can be similar to discussing religion; it can be controversial, and a discussion can become heated and out of control very quickly.

-Refrain from discussing other candidates. Bad mouthing a particular candidate or government official has the potential to offend a coworker if it happens to be someone they support, and to some, this may seem as if you are mocking their personal beliefs. These situations can lead to you not only loosing respect from your coworkers, but it can make group work and projects uncomfortable as well.  At the end of the day, political discourse can become a distraction to you and your coworkers and hinder productivity.

-Political discussions do not have to be avoided at all times. In our business, political discussions occur more frequently as the news cycle hits on policies and topics impactful to our clients or their industry.  As this opens the door for political discussions in the work place, we have a pretty clear picture of where coworkers and clients stand politically and feel comfortable managing our discussions around politics.  However, even when you know where folks stand on the political spectrum, there is still a suitable time and place for these discussions. So if there is ever a question to the appropriateness, I recommend erring on the side of caution and choosing a different subject matter.  

Even though politics may be on the forefront of our minds during the month of October, remember to keep your composure in check while at work, and among co-workers or clients. There’s no need to compromise your professionalism or relationships by “going there.”

 

Making Etiquette Easy: Pigskin and Pleasantries

Fall is a special time of year as the temperatures begin to cool down and nature’s beauty shifts from shades of green to red, gold, and brown. In the South and especially in Texas, you also have the arrival of football season. Football season is characterized as a three month span with Friday nights focused on high school football games, Saturdays devoted to college football games, and Sundays and Mondays to the National Football League. Even though it sounds like football is the main event, it equally shares that title with socializing at tailgates and backyard barbeques. As this “season” kicks off (no pun intended), there are certain “rules of engagement” and pleasantries one must consider when attending and/or hosting one of these functions.
 

-Properly organizing a tailgate or barbeque. If you’re a busy guy or gal, there are several easy ways you can organize a winning event without having to spend all week planning for game day. First and thankfully, tailgates and barbeques are typically casual events where appetizers or simple menus are the norm. They can offer the perfect occasion to host a potluck come-and-go. Most folks don’t want to come empty handed, so offer suggestions to guests regarding what they can bring, whether it’s their favorite appetizer or a tasty side to go with the main dish. If you don’t have time to cook, you can order take-out from your favorite restaurant or pick up some great pre-made items from Central Market (for those of us in Texas) or other gourmet grocers. Also keep the event venue in mind, i.e.; will there be a microwave or stove top to warm your items or do you need to bring items that don’t require additional heating. Finally, if you’re willing to spend the big bucks, there are several catering companies for backyard barbeques and party rental companies that have tailgating packages, so you can pregame and postgame in style and not have to worry about set up, cleanup, or anything in between.  (Now that’s what I’m talking about…)

-Always offer to bring something if you’re not the host or hostess. Even though these are more casual affairs, offering to bring food or drinks to the event is always a courteous thing to do even if you know your host doesn’t need any additional assistance. Depending on the formality of the event, bringing tasty additions can sometime serve as a host or hostess gift. Also remember that if you have a specific beverage preference, bring it along for personal enjoyment in addition to what you are bringing to share.

-If you plan to bring guests, always speak to the host or hostess first. Backyard barbeques and tailgates can grow exponentially in the blink of an eye which can result in the host/hostess running out of food and refreshments early. Therefore, it’s very important to consult with your host/hostess a few days before the event if you plan to bring a plus one, so they can plan accordingly. If you are bringing guests, always bring extra food or drink with you as well, so you can accommodate for their consumption.  
 

            Football season is a fun and eventful season, and there are some great pleasantries you can extend at these events to better enjoy the passing of the pigskin.

For fun tailgating ideas, check out our Pinterest Page!

Photo Courtesy of: tpsdave

Making Etiquette Easy: Nosy Question Askers

Image from Associated Content

With so much personal sharing these days via Facebook and other social media sites, it can be hard to draw the line between what we are and aren't willing to share with others. And it's especially troubling when our friends, relatives or even acquaintances begin prying into our business, presuming we're ready to share our life story. So the next time someone presses your "are you kidding me?" button, remember these tips to get the conversation back to more neutral ground:

• Be Vague: If it's about the price of your new car, you can avoid the true answer by saying something like, "probably too much" or "I know, isn't it awesome?" Giving answers like this cue the nosey Nelly that you're not willing to put dollar signs on the table. If it's about something personal (i.e. the status of your relationship), you can say "things are going well" or "who knows what the future holds."


• Flip It: If the person is still digging, flip the question on them or ask them a completely different question. Would they like to go for a ride in your car? How is their relationship situation progressing? A lot of times, people are inquisitive because they'd also like to share their stories. Allowing them this pleasure can cut you some slack and get the attention off of you.


• Be Honest: Sometime people will stop at nothing for answers. If the topic is a sensitive one for you and you don't feel like opening up, let them know you've got a policy against sharing such private information. You can even let them know you've talked about it with your spouse/therapist/etc. and that you don't mean to offend them, but this is your personal space and you'd like to keep it that way.

Making Etiquette Easy,
Susan K. Medina

Makinge Etiquette Easy: Wardrobe Intervention

Image from Eric Beard

There are a lot of spoken (and unspoken) rules about what to wear to what kind of events around town. And yes, there is a right and a wrong way to put yourself together, especially for pop-culture events. It's hard to watch our unaware friends or coworkers show up to a wedding in white or a red dress to a funeral. But how do we stop it from happening? It's like a bad wreck and we can't help but look. Here are a few ways to help shelter your friends from realizing they should have done a double-take before leaving the house:

• If you are hosting an event yourself, be sure to specify the dress code on the actual invitation. This way, all guests are given a fair and advance notice of what will be the social norm when they arrive (i.e. "black tie" or "costume party"). You can't be too specific.
• If it isn't your event, call your friend/coworker up beforehand and ask what they plan on wearing to the event. This may give you a window to mention the printed dress code.
  
• If they still aren't getting the memo, volunteer to let them know what you'll be wearing. For example, "I heard it was more formal so we're going to wear black cocktail attire."
• When you get to the actual event, know that you've done all you can do. If they show up out of dress code, try your best to ignore it and have a good time.
  

Making Etiquette Easy: Staring

Image from www.mattgraham.blogspot.com

We were all taught that if we were going to stare, we might as well 'take a picture, it'll last longer.' But sometime the people watching is half of the fun, not to mention the time it helps pass as we commute along during our workday. Somewhere between the idea that we should be flattered when people take notice of us and the fact that it is impolite to stare, lie the rules of everyday staring:

• Avoid Staring: It's always best not to stare, but some of us have to be cognizant of this action in order to stop it. If you're in a crowded space, try to focus your attention on something like your laptop or straight ahead on signage. It's okay to look around, but make sure you shift your glaze and don't fixate on any one single person.
• Dress the Part: If you always find yourself too curious to look away, consider investing in some sunglasses, or at least carry a distraction (i.e. newspaper or cell phone) so that if you do get too antsy, you can focus in on something else.
• Caught in the Act: If someone notices you looking their direction, the best thing to do is give them a quick and kind smile and then turn your gaze elsewhere. There's no need to make a big deal of it, but it can quickly become one if you don't stop.
• How to Respond: What if you're the object of a "Staring Tom?" Try your best to grant some mercy- and remember that perhaps they forgot their book or usual conversation partner for the day. If they don't look away, offer a quick smile and don't look their way again.

Making Etiquette Easy: I'm Sorry v. Excuse Me

In today's culture, we often mix up regret with pardon or visa versa. While most people are gracious enough to let it slide, it is important that we know when to say we're 'sorry' or when to say 'excuse me.' There's no need to take the blame when it isn't necessary, but it is equally important to take the blame when it is necessary.

• "I'm sorry" should be used when there has been an offense, such as stepping on someone's toes or intentionally/accidentally bumping into someone. It is a passive form of expressing regret. For instance, "I'm sorry I bumped you in the shoulder."
• Use the words 'I'm sorry' sparingly. Annoying at best, the repetition of this phrase only waters down its true meaning. When it is used incorrectly, it also puts the receiving person in an awkward spot because they are unsure of how to respond.
• "Excuse me" should be used when you are trying to politely get someone's attention, attempting to navigate through a crowd, or when you are approaching a stranger to ask something of them . For instance, you might say, "Excuse me, did you leave your sunglasses on the boat?" In this example, you needn't apologize for trying to help them- even if the sunglasses didn't belong to the person.
• There are some circumstances where these phrases are virtually interchangeable, and it is up to the speaker to decide which version to use. For instance, you can use the phrase, "sorry to bother you, but..." or "sorry to interrupt" in exchange for '"excuse me."

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Foot in Mouth

Image from blog.luckyvitamin.com

While most of us are fairly in-tune with our internal radars, no one is above the occasional verbal mishap. Maybe you went off on a political rant at a dinner party where you just 'knew' everyone felt the same, only to find out that one of the guests was employed by the opposing party. Or you made a pessimistic comment about Smart Cars only to find out your conversation-buddy is driving one. Some offenses are graver than others, but for the most part, here's how to navigate them successfully:

Small Situations:

• Use a bit of humor and self-repentance to level the mood. With a smile, admit that you aren't good at keeping your conversation manners in line and that you should've listened to your mother. Staying humble is the best way to go.
• Listen to the other party. After expressing the elephant in the room, allow the other person to express his or her views and then drive the conversation to more neutral ground.
• Don't feel obliged to apologize, especially if you were stating your beliefs. Doing so can compromise your sincerity since you clearly felt compelled enough to discuss it.
• In the future, try to keep especially controversial or conflicting views to yourself- and always be respectful of your dissenters.

Larger Situations:

• If you do find yourself making a serious blunder, don't try to explain your way out of it. The best thing to do is to make a sincere apology and blame yourself only. You may note that it was out of character and you know it was stupid.
• Write a note. If you've really crossed the line (for example, gossiping about an affair you think someone is having and it's overheard), try to summarize your regret on paper.
• In the future, be cognizant of who your talking to and the social implications it could have. Stopping to think before you speak is always a good idea, but since it's not always possible, try to at least be sure you know who you're talking to.

Making Etiquette Easy: Without Thanks

Image from PBS.org

We've talked about the rules for writing thank-you notes- a fundamental part of following etiquette. But more than just a social courtesy, a thank you note " acts like a receipt and closes the social circuit,” says Jodi R. R. Smith, author of From Clueless to Class Act: Manners for the Modern Woman. Without one, we as gift-givers aren't even sure the gifts were received. Here's what's appropriate to do/say when you haven't received a word of thanks:

• It's usually best to give the receiver a couple of weeks to acknowledge your gift. If the receiver is on their honeymoon, vacationing, or a new mom, your time frame should be more flexible.
• When you've allowed for a reasonable amount of time, give the person a call to check in and see if they've received your gift. In doing this, you aren't directly asking for a thanks, but merely making sure they received the gift (though it may prompt a thank you).
• If you gave the gift in person and therefore know they received it, you might consider asking if they liked the gift and offer to give them a gift receipt if there was any trouble (and be sincere about it, not a meddling Mellie).
• All in all, some people will never send thank-you notes. If you've done everything you can to prompt them as mentioned above, just let it go. Ultimately, the gift should be about the thoughtfulness behind it and while deserving of a thank you, may not always be acknowledged. We are not offering an excuse for the "I just don't write thank you notes" set, but reminding us all that the lack of good social practice is about the person doing it, not the person at which it's being directed.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Corrections

Image from USC

It's fair to say that correcting someone's grammar or etiquette in public is a worse show of decorum than the original offense. But what do you do when someone is blatantly in the wrong to the point that you or others feel uncomfortable their behavior?

If you are a parent, teacher, or employer, it is acceptable to correct your child, student, or employee respectively. But if you are a friend, coworker, stranger or even family member, there are a few different rules that should apply.

First, it is important to consider your relationship to the person as well as the necessity of making the correction (i.e. if the person was about to do something life threatening, by all means make quite a clamor).

The main thing to consider is to make sure you are correcting them out of humility. If you thrive on other people's weaknesses, it might be best to keep quiet. Another sincere way of helping them is to speak with them privately. Usually, correcting someone in public is very humiliating and reflects poorly on your character. This may not be true in some specific business situations whereby your knowledge could save time or money. But for the most part, patience with someone's lack of manners demonstrates your own.

If you do handle the private conversation tactfully, you might receive a surprisingly gracious response. Helping people avoid future embarrassment is a very polite thing to do. Remember that your correction should be for their own edification and not your own. And if they respond spitefully or embarrassed, let them discover their next error in their own time.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Conversation Controllers

Image from www.mozeninc.com

We've all been at a party, a business meeting, a dinner, or a voluntary club with someone who loves to hear their own voice. It can be frustrating to withstand any social interactions with them, especially when what they're saying doesn't even really correlate with the subject at hand. How they could be so completely unaware really boggles the mind. Here's how to handle a person who constantly dominates the conversation:

• Listen. Yes, this is the hardest part. When all you want to do is talk louder than - or over - the individual, it is important to go ahead and let them get their thoughts out, at least initially. As long-winded as it may be, it's important not to shut the person down before they get started just because you remember they have a history of going on and on and on... you get the idea.
  
• Acknowledge them. It's true that many people who hog conversations are simply insecure or don't typically have an opportunity to speak their minds. Using their conversation as a starting point for another one or referencing points they made validates that you did hear what they had to say and can help keep their nervous rambling to a minimum.
  
• Invite others in. If you find that you still aren't soothing the problem, consider interjecting during pause points to turn and ask someone else a specific question in the group. This takes the spotlight off of the talker and forces them to let others take turns.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Weight Comments

Image from www.insearchformore.com

We've all had a friend (or maybe even ourselves) who has successfully embarked on a diet that has dramatically changed the way they look. You think they look so fabulous you can't wait to talk to them about it, but wait just a moment. Here are some things to think about before saying anything, even with good intentions:

• If at all possible, wait for an opportunity. A lot of people are very uncomfortable discussing their weight and consider it a private matter, even if there is a remarkable difference. Wait for them to open up, or find opportunities to say something if they mention taking a weight watchers course or order differently off the menu.

If you are the one who lost weight, you can politely refer someone to your doctor if you're not comfortable talking about it.

• Don't use comparative statements: Never say something like, 'You've lost so much weight!' It insinuates that they were heavy before, and can be taken negatively. Consider replacing these statements with something like, 'you look awesome,' which has no connotations to what they might've looked previously.

If you didn't lose weight, it can be frustrating when someone comments on it and you feel that they remember you being heavier. If this happens to you, feel free to say you're the same or just change the subject.

• Be Genuine: People can sense when you are being genuinely curious, primarily if you are wanting to employ the same dieting/exercise tips to yield your own results. Just make sure that the weight loss is intentional and not something brought on by illness or stress, which can create a lot of sensitivity.

If someone has commented on your appearance and it's not the result of a positive and purposed decision, it's okay to just thank them. If you do want to open up, make sure to tell the person you're so glad they think you look good in the midst of your circumstances.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Sympathy

Image from www.recover-from-grief.com

Life is full of ups and downs, and a few of each category will seem to hit us when we least expect it. When a coworker loses a loved one, it can bring complete chaos to their professional and personal life. And though these situations can be awkward and uncomfortable for each party, make sure you abide by the following to offer the best support possible for your coworker:

• Express condolences right away: Be sure to acknowledge what happened and express your sympathy as soon as you are able to see/call the person. Pretending it didn’t happen or avoiding the topic shows a lack of real concern and can cause hurt feelings.
• Attending the funeral: If there is an open funeral being held and you are able to attend, you should try to go, especially if you are close with the coworker. This is the most obvious way to show support for them in their grieving process.
• Read the obituary to find out where to send flowers or donate a memoriam: If you cannot attend the funeral, certainly send flowers to express your condolences along with a card or designate a memoriam to their favorite charity (these days it is common for the family to include their loved one's favorite charity in the obituary). It is acceptable to pull resources with office mates for a joint donation or flowers to let your coworker know you are supporting them during this time.
• Be specific about how you can help: Many people will reach out during times of distress to friends and coworkers to let them know they can help. But the best way to do this is to be specific about what you can do for them. Perhaps you can offer to check their work voicemail, handle their clients, or bring dinner to their house. This keeps your grieving coworker or friend from having to organize or think about daily tasks, which can be extremely difficult during their time of loss.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Houseguests

Image from Travel Vivi

Many of us have friends who live miles away and have graciously opened their homes to our visits over the years. And while we all like to think we’ve been the best guests they’ve ever entertained, it doesn’t hurt to brush-up on a few tips to keep things smooth on the guest-front:

• Wait to be invited. Just because you have a friend or relative who lives in a destination you would deem a ‘vacation spot,’ it doesn’t mean that they necessarily want to entertain company. Be sure the offer has been extended before you book a flight.
• Do not overstay your welcome. As a general rule, two to three nights for an out of town visit are acceptable. If you are coming over for dinner only, it’s appropriate to stay for about one hour after the meal.
• Actively show your appreciation. If you are staying for more than one night, consider cooking dinner for the family or treating them to something special, like dinner at their favorite restaurant. This shows appreciation for their wonderful hospitality.
• Be respectful of their current household nuances. If you’re staying with the most organized person you know, try to keep your belongings neatly tucked away (and always make your bed). If you notice they take the trash out quite often, be sure to help and collect your trash as well. The important thing is to blend into their lifestyle.
• Extend the same offer. It’s frustrating to be on the entertaining side and have your guests tell you that they can’t wait to visit again, without mentioning that you are welcome in their home. Unless you don’t have enough space, it is proper to extend the same offer to your hosts.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Apologies

Image from www.content.fromyouflowers.com

It can be hard to follow the same rules in the office place that we follow at home, and much easier to apologize to our spouse and children than to our coworkers or bosses. But the act of apologizing gracefully is just as important in our professional lives. If we wish to continue all of our business relationships, a sincere apology is sometime necessary. Most of the time words are sufficient, but from time to time more is required. Here are some things to remember:

• Timing is Key: If you are actually with the person you offend, it’s best to offer an immediate apology. When you say you’re sorry face-to-face at the moment of impact, it leaves less time for emotions to fester and makes it easier to put it behind you. If you discover you’ve hurt someone later, call him or her as soon as you are aware of it.
• Write it Down: a verbal apology means something, but solidifying it with a letter or card can make a huge difference in how someone perceives your sincerity. If the offense was serious, consider sending flowers as a sign of regret. Don't be tempted to send an apology by email as it can appear much less personal.
• Avoid Excuses: When you apologize, make sure it is just that. Don’t load your request for forgiveness with a plethora of reasons why you behaved the way you did. An apology is only a real apology if it comes without baggage...and a sincere and graceful sentiment.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Eating in a Group

Image from Dummies

Since I'm having more and questions about this during presentations and yes, while having dinner, let's talk about table settings and manners.

Eating in a group setting for business purposes has ‘test’ written all over it. While many a businessperson walks into this unknowingly, it’s important to be aware of what our actions say in a dining setting. Good manners at the table mean good manners just about everywhere else. Here are some things to keep in mind before you ‘dig in’:

• Seating: If you’re at a formal sit-down dinner or at an event where there's a speaker ore entertainment, be sure to humbly take the seat with your back to the program. By doing so, you are communicating that you are willing to give up the better seats for others and that you don’t over-esteem your self importance. How much better it is to have someone usher you to a better seat than visa versa.
• Conversation: Sometimes it just so happens that the person you want to engage in conversation with is way across the table from you. In order to make this work, you must first engage the folks beside you so that no one is left out while you are left shouting across the table. If this doesn’t work, feel free to politely excuse yourself to walk around the table and finish your conversation at a comfortable decibel level, but keep it brief. Once the speaker or entertainment begins, politely go back to your seat.
• The First Bite: People always have a hard time deciding when to follow dining rituals. The best rule is to watch for the host to make a move (i.e. unfold their napkin or pick up their fork). You’d rather be late than early.
• Portions: If the dining atmosphere is buffet-styled, be sure to let others go in front of you. Always take a normal portion on your first trip through the buffet. Taking doubles could be construed as a lack of restraint, taking too little can also raise an eyebrow as well. If other people are going back for more, you may follow their lead.

As a general rule, never be first, never be last, and remember that you aren’t there for the food; you’re there for business.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Punctuality

Happy Monday morning. What better day than to be reminded about the importance of being time. Believe me, I get it. Being on time is never as simple as it seems…there’s traffic, an alarm clock that’s behind, a sick child, and a dead battery in your car. For the most part, people are more likely to forgive your "every now and then tardiness" if you are typically on time and appear to make the effort to be prompt. Here's why:

· Being on time communicates respect. It means, “I’ve been planning for this moment in advance and I am here to give you the most valuable asset I have, my time.”

· Being on time shows that you stick to your word. When you signed a work contract stating your office hours are from 9am-5pm, there were probably not any sub-clauses excusing the few times a week you come in at 9:15am. (But hey, maybe work that in next time...)

· Being on time means you know how to manage things. You know how to plan, allocate, and execute- all wise business traits to exhibit.

If you’ve always been the person lagging a few steps behind, consider this a challenge for you to pick up the pace. It’s never too late to start integrating new habits into your routine that can make a positive difference. Remember, it's the little things that help elevate you on the promotion list.

Making Etiquette Easy

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Positivity

Often overlooked, a pleasant disposition can go a long way. And while we all have our bad days where nothing seems to go our way, here are a few things to remember whenever you get that familiar grumble that makes you want to either retreat or voice concern…

· Stop yourself anytime you feel an urge to complain or make excuses, it can be interpreted as unprofessional.

· Actions speak louder than words, and boy, do they ever in an office environment. Try to be the man or woman who fixes the problem, not announces it or "stirs things up."

· No matter what your circumstance, accept criticism with grace and a smile. In humbling yourself this way, you’re communicating how pliable you are as an employee and a person —a rare trait these days.

· You can always glean something from every situation. Remember, you’re never too old to learn a new trick.

· Leave your personal life at home. Unless something fatal has happened, it’s best not to let your frustrations from your home life infiltrate your work attitude. Are we having fun yet?

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Just Say No

For some reason, the art of saying ‘no’ puts Americans in a conundrum. If we truly were to donate to every cause, chair every board, and volunteer our talents for everything asked of us, we would be tired, broke, and unhappy. Having good manners doesn’t mean always saying ‘yes.’ It’s important to establish your own healthy boundaries so that (yes) you can actually keep on giving, in a way that counts. Here are some polite suggestions of ways to decline an unwanted invitation you might receive:

“I’d love to help. Unfortunately, I’m overextended right now.’

“That sounds great, but I just can’t put one more thing on my calendar this month. Let's touch base when things slow down.”

“If you need to know right now, I'd probably have to say no.”

“As much as I'd love to, I just can’t.”

“No, but thank you for thinking of me. I'm honored.”

Though basic, we sometime need to rehearse these perfectly acceptable responses. Besides, this way you will have more time for the things that matter most. Be upfront and honest about your intentions. If you can’t, you can’t. Not everyone has to know that it’s because you have been waiting to take get that much needed massage for three weeks.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Starting the Thank-You's

Now that Christmas has come and gone, and we are eagerly still trying out (or on) our new gifts, it can be hard to focus on much else. But the weeks that follow Christmas summon a time for all mankind to be reminded and appreciative of the generosity of those around us, namely in the form of Thank-You notes. So here is your official reminder, as well as a few tips to get you through the process as seamlessly and professionally as possible:

• It's all about speed and agility. A quick turnaround on a Thank-You card is not only in good taste, it's also a nice surprise these days. It shows that you have uncommonly astute manners and that you liked the gift so much, you instantly had to write the person to let them know.
• Give it a golden touch. Nothing means more than a handwritten note, no matter how tech-savvy the gift-giver is. Thank-You notes via email are only appropriate in remote situations, including to shifting military personnel, faraway friends, or when urgency is more important than other factors. Otherwise, put your pen to paper.
• No need for frivolity or lies. If you didn't like an item, you don't have to say so...but not sending a Thank-You implies that you not only didn't like an item, but that you also didn't appreciate it. Phrase your wording such that you communicate your appreciation (i.e."Thank you so much for the _____, I really appreciate you thinking of me this holiday season.")
• Be specific. The point of the notes are to express your thanks for something unique, something specific to the individual. It means more when you spell out exactly why you like the item (if you do) or what you plan to do with the item.
• Short and sweet. Thank-You notes don't have to be a thesis statement-- they can be perfectly grateful while still maintaining brevity.

Hope this helps you get started. Just remember how much fun it is to actually receive a handwritten note in the midst of all of the other mail you find in your box each day. Pass on the joy!

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: RSVP Do's and Don'ts

It’s fairly common knowledge that when invited to any event—be it a business function, a wedding, or a casual party— the names on the outer envelope dictate who specifically is invited. But sometimes it’s easy just to assume that the inviter didn’t know you had a significant other, didn’t remember your child, or forgot about that fun friend you have. Not so much my friends...

Here’s why it is not okay to RSVP for more than were invited:

· Consideration: Regardless of the circumstances, or how well you think you know someone, it is inappropriate to assume that they will be fine with you bringing extras.

· Money: This could be one reason your ‘whole group’ isn’t on the front of the envelope. A lot of times, people would love to have you come, but they cannot accommodate everyone in your group. So, they pick those they are closest with and hope that you will understand if you ever have to make those decisions yourself.

· Order and Size: Since most of us have been to an "organized" event with place settings, name cards, etc., you get the drift. Usually, there are only so many seats in the ‘house,’ and each seat has a name that goes with it. I’ve been to a few weddings that painfully had people standing around the periphery of the reception because there literally wasn’t enough room for ‘extra guests.’ And this rings so personal to me as we had very limited space at our seated wedding reception and were not able to include our guest's children. A handful of friends took the attitude, "well if my children are not invited, we just won't come," which was a shame. It was not that their children were not welcome, we just did not have the space to accommodate everyone we would have liked to...

· Social Dynamics: Always consider the host reserves the right for the party to look and flow the way they want it to. Maybe they are inviting only one person from a group of friends in order to shake things up a bit and let new people get to know each other. Think of it this way, you were on the invite list and you want to keep it that way.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina