Making Etiquette Easy: Funerals

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Sadly, the amount of funerals we attend seems to multiply as we age. And what’s most upsetting at times is when people are disrespectful at these somber occasions because they didn’t brush up on their etiquette- or maybe even common sense. Remember these things next time you attend one. While many people may not notice your appropriate behavior, they will certainly notice when you act in bad taste.

• Only attend funerals for people you know or whom your spouse/family was close to. You should blend into the crowd, not waving to everyone you know like it is a social event. Remember that while you might have already reconciled the passing of this person, others may need time to grieve.
• Never take pictures or video/phone media to record any part of the service. These ceremonies, unless nationally broadcast, are meant to pay homage in privacy. Besides, the result of this media usually only relives the sadness.
• If you’ve offered to help with the planning, food arrangements, or accommodations for guests, do not charge the family for such services. People get taken advantage of in times of distress, and you should be there for support, not profit.
• Be careful of your commentary. Comments about the size of the funeral or stories of things ‘far worse’ that have happened to yourself or your friends are not appropriate in this setting. Never complain about the food, weather, or time frame of the ceremony.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Internet Forums

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Internet forums, chat rooms, and fan sites attract a wide audience. From avid sports fans, gamers, or stay at home moms who want to give advice, it’s safe to say that the viral communication is going on 24/7. The beauty of these forums- whether membership-based or open to the public, is that anyone can join in. The downside is that foul play tends to run amuck…

• You are free to be anonymous, but keep it nice. Lots of folks tend to get extra-heated about controversial topics and voice their anger through forums. And even though anyone can state anything under their alias name, it doesn’t make it okay to be disrespectful.
• Do not use all caps. Using all caps is the equivalent of shouting at someone, and it’s distracting to read as well.
• If you are posting feedback, make sure it’s relevant. Comments like “Agreed” are best left unsaid. Try to bring value to a conversation thread or refrain from typing at all. In that respect, read the posts beforehand to make sure you aren’t cutting in with a random thought.
• Keep your signatures (anonymous or not) small and to the point. People enter these chat rooms and forums to read content, not your bio.
• Always keep on topic. Don’t dig up old threads to respond to that have clearly been archived for a long time. There’s a reason the conversation didn’t go anywhere the first time.
• When posting pictures, make sure they are web-appropriate. Nothing controversial (or oversized) should distract from your message.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Taking Pictures

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We carry cameras with us everywhere- from small digital cyber shots to smart phone applications, we can capture anything at nearly any time. And in a society that is visually-driven, it can be hard to draw the line between privacy and public. Here are some pieces of the ‘bigger etiquette picture:’

• Are pictures allowed? Check to see if you can take photographs. Some historical places and churches have stiff rules about photographs and you might risk getting in trouble.
• Out takes: Never take pictures near or in dressing rooms, near cash wraps or where sensitive information might be displayed, or near any other places that could be seen as incriminating.
• Do not block people: If you are in a public place, such as a concert, make sure your photographs don’t obstruct the view for other people.
• Ask permission: If you are taking pictures that include strangers, you should certainly ask their permission. If not before, be sure to show them the photograph and ask their permission to keep it.
• Post Protection: Prior to uploading photos of others on your computer to share with the world, be sure to get permission from the other people in the pictures. It is not appropriate for them to find out their embarrassing photos from college have been shared with the world without their consent. If you question anything, wait.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: New Babies

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Just because babies are too young to know anything about right and wrong- let alone etiquette, it doesn’t mean that adults are exempt from minding their manners when in the presence of one. If you’ve recently had an infant addition to your family, or maybe just to a good friend, keep these things in mind:

• Three Day Rule: New mothers need their rest and they also need time to bond with their baby. It’s best not to call or request a visit (unless told you could) until at least three days have passed. Immediate family is the exception to the rule, though even then they shouldn’t insist on staying the night.
• Do the Work: One of the most common poor etiquette pitfalls is to show up at the newborns home and watch the new mom have to work while everyone holds her child. Guests should never expect meals or to be served, and should instead offer to help in any way possible.
• Use Technology: New parents should utilize their voicemail and websites to publicly announce when visitors are welcome, which should help prevent unannounced guests.
• Adult Thank-You’s: New parents should send notes of thanks for gifts from themselves, not on behalf of the child. They should also send out birth announcements within three months to notify friends and family.
• Listen to Mom: Take cues from the new mother. If she’s dressed in pajamas, tells you she has to feed the newborn, or let’s you know her pediatrician doesn’t want the baby passed around much, listen. It might be that you want to return to visit at another time.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: New Neighbors

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Whether you’re just moving into the neighborhood or you’re welcoming some newcomers yourself, here are some social graces to remember that will create lasting impressions made to go the distance of your stay:

When they’re new:

• Always make sure to introduce yourself to them first. Everyone loves to feel welcomed.
• Create a list of neighborhood advice, including things they wouldn’t think to ask and important dates
• Promptly give them any house keys you may have been storing for the previous tenant.
• Always call before coming over, even if they live next door and you know they are home. Everyone needs privacy and an advance warning.

When you’re new:

• Host your own housewarming party to get to know the neighbors.
• Wave at your neighbors, even if you haven’t had a chance to meet them yet
• Be respectful and pay attention to any grievances you might be causing your neighbors (i.e. your dog running into their yard, the tree limbs that need to be trimmed, etc.)
• Always write thank you notes and leave them for your neighbors if they bring you anything.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Elevators

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They go up and down but the rules never change. Elevator etiquette is something anyone should have, especially if you’re a businessperson. We interface with our peers everyday on elevators, and one bad move there may translate to a lack of professionalism elsewhere. Here are some tips for riding right:

• Exit First: Always let outgoing passengers get off prior to entering the elevator. Most people understand this, but remarkably fewer actually do it.
• Don’t be Lazy: If you’ve only got one or two floors to travel and you’re in reasonably good shape, take the stairs. It can be aggravating for passengers who still have thirty floors to go and they have to stop twice for your quick in and out.
• Hold the Door: If you notice someone’s trying to make the elevator, hold the door for them. If you’ve been holding the door for a short bit waiting on colleagues or friends, don’t be disrespectful to the people already in the carriage and let your colleagues catch the next ride.
• Be Sick Solo: If you’re not well, wait for an empty carriage to arrive before getting on and contaminating others with your illness
• Keep your Space: People get very uncomfortable in elevators, which is only exacerbated by people getting too close to one another. Try to stay equidistant between passengers.
• Don’t expect someone to push your button for you. Once you’ve pushed yours, you should ask if you can hit a number for the other passengers, but don’t expect them to do it for you.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina