Making Etiquette Easy: Merry Christmas!

With the cultural melting pot of America today, many holidays now seem to be "competing for attention" with Christmas, Hanukkah or Kwanzaa, pushing Hallmark and gift card vendors to scurry to design and distribute well-wishing expressions for everyone. We often tip-toe around commenting on our own traditions and shy away from greetings or beliefs that we’ve shared our whole lives so that we don’t ‘offend’ others.

Here’s why it’s okay to express your joy for the season, and in my case, ‘Merry Christmas!’

· Saying ‘Merry Christmas’ is exactly what it sounds like; you are wishing the other person the very best during this particular season - and who wouldn’t want that? Same goes when other people wish you diversified holiday greetings.

· Saying ‘Merry Christmas’ isn’t evangelizing. The phrase in itself does not try to push ideas or change a view point, it’s a recognition of the reason for the Christmas season as Christians celebrate the birth of Christ. Thankfully we still have freedom of religious expression in America.

Most folks are pretty laid back about this topic. I have several friends of other faiths who good-naturedly respond to my wishes with ‘you, too’ or ‘Happy Hanukkah.’ We respect each other's beliefs and opinions - and self-expression.

· If you are still uncomfortable, feel free to use the politically correct phrase, ‘Happy Holidays.’ Though a bit more impersonal, you know what you are celebrating that holiday season. But by no means do you have to keep your traditions a secret—it’s one of the few times of the year you can give insight into what makes you who you are.

With that, Merry Christmas everyone!

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: RSVP Do's and Don'ts

It’s fairly common knowledge that when invited to any event—be it a business function, a wedding, or a casual party— the names on the outer envelope dictate who specifically is invited. But sometimes it’s easy just to assume that the inviter didn’t know you had a significant other, didn’t remember your child, or forgot about that fun friend you have. Not so much my friends...

Here’s why it is not okay to RSVP for more than were invited:

· Consideration: Regardless of the circumstances, or how well you think you know someone, it is inappropriate to assume that they will be fine with you bringing extras.

· Money: This could be one reason your ‘whole group’ isn’t on the front of the envelope. A lot of times, people would love to have you come, but they cannot accommodate everyone in your group. So, they pick those they are closest with and hope that you will understand if you ever have to make those decisions yourself.

· Order and Size: Since most of us have been to an "organized" event with place settings, name cards, etc., you get the drift. Usually, there are only so many seats in the ‘house,’ and each seat has a name that goes with it. I’ve been to a few weddings that painfully had people standing around the periphery of the reception because there literally wasn’t enough room for ‘extra guests.’ And this rings so personal to me as we had very limited space at our seated wedding reception and were not able to include our guest's children. A handful of friends took the attitude, "well if my children are not invited, we just won't come," which was a shame. It was not that their children were not welcome, we just did not have the space to accommodate everyone we would have liked to...

· Social Dynamics: Always consider the host reserves the right for the party to look and flow the way they want it to. Maybe they are inviting only one person from a group of friends in order to shake things up a bit and let new people get to know each other. Think of it this way, you were on the invite list and you want to keep it that way.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: The Jobless Holiday Season

Holiday networking while unemployed can be extremely intimidating for even the best of social networkers. Here are some tips to make the most of those interactions since you never know when that next social introduction might lead to a professional opportunity.

1) When asked what you do or where you work – and you currently don’t – make sure you answer with reference to your previous position… “Well after five years at ____ I was part of the most recent downsizing. On the upside, it’s allowed me to consider career options and strengths I wasn’t able to capitalize on in my last position. What do you do?”

2) Have a game plan. When asked what type of work you are looking for, you need to have that 10 second personal “elevator” pitch pre-rehearsed.

3) Make sure you ask questions as well. There’s nothing worse than a one-sided conversation.

4) Always act interested and really listen to what the person has to say – there may be a nugget there that allows for a commonality or future interaction.

5) While unemployed, have personal cards professionally printed with your contact information. This steers you clear of a potentially awkward moment when someone gives you a business card and you have nothing to offer in return. (Major business supply stores will typically print 100 cards for $10 or 250 for $30)

6) If you feel you are making a professional connection with someone, ask if you can contact them in the next few days for coffee or forward them your resume.

7) Don’t come across as desperate or pushy. In today’s business climate, it is more acceptable to be unemployed, but it’s crucial that you appear to be managing your situation in the most professional manner possible.

8) Last but not least, always remember to hold your head high. There are alot of folks in your shoes right now, so you are not alone. We are all very hopeful for a brighter 2010.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Holiday Office Parties

While most holiday office parties are winding down, there are still some scheduled in the last week before Christmas. Knowing – and practicing – appropriate behavior at the holiday office party can be somewhat confusing. Every office environment has its own style, politics and expectations, so finding “your” place in the midst of those realities can certainly be overwhelming and uncertain. Here are few things to keep in mind….

1) Regardless of how much your boss and co-workers may be imbibing from the bar, limit yourself to one or two adult beverages during the course of the party.

2) Dress conservatively – this is not a “girls or boys night out.”

3) If there’s music and a dance floor, dance… but not on the table.

4) Never flirt with the boss’s spouse.

5) If someone’s spouse is flirting with you, gently excuse yourself and walk away.

6) Don’t leave the party with a co-worker… this is how career-killer rumors get started.

7) Do some advance research to determine the hobbies and personal interests of upper management. This is one of the few times you can connect with them on a personal level and find commonalities outside the office.

8) Arrive on time, but never be the last person to leave.

9) If the party is being held at someone’s home, bring a small, but thoughtful host gift.

10) Following the party, send a thank you note to the host and/or your boss for such a wonderful evening (even if it wasn’t).

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Holiday Party Hopping

So while Christmas is still a couple of weeks away, there are still plenty of parties to be had - and keep in mind that New Year's parties are just around the corner. Many times, there isn’t a single day this month that doesn’t have multiple conflicting events. So how can you do it all and be a handful of places ‘all at once?’

Here are some recommendations for making the most out of the events and correctly managing your host/hostess’ expectations:

· Set your priorities: Make a list of all the engagements you have coming up and rank them by order of importance. There are a few social obligations that you will be hard-pressed to get out of—such as your boss’ holiday open house or your mom’s annual Christmas cookie decorating contest. Assign everything an order of importance and go from there.

· Have a plan of action: Plug in everything (from above) into a calendar. Figure out exactly how much time you have to be where and try to stick to it. Consider hiring a driver so that you can slip in and out of events on schedule and without having to draw attention by waiting on valet.

· RSVP: When you call the host/hostess to let them know you will be attending, make sure you notify them then that you may have to slip out a little early for another event, but that you just couldn’t turn this one down. It’s important that they are aware you will be departing early before the night-of.

· Slip out: As a general rule of thumb, you don’t want to be at someone’s event for under one hour. When you do leave, don’t make it a grand exit, which could communicate that the party wasn’t good enough to hold your attendance. Instead, slip out quietly. When someone asks where you are, the response will probably be...’oh, I just saw them…” That’s how you want it to be!

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Do We Take the Dog on Holiday?

I don't know about you, but we have a dog. Since we have no children, our dog might as well be our child. He's pampered, knows it and completely deserves it. We rescued him from a shelter almost two years ago and it's been mutual love (and dog licks) ever since. During busy holiday travel times, the question always comes up between my husband and me, "do you think we can take Duke to so and so's house?"

Taking an animal with you to Grandma's (or Aunt Buffy's) house can be a little tricky. So here are some things to consider before deciding to bring along the "other" member of the family:

• Whatever you do, make sure you ask permission to bring your pet wherever you are going. If there's hesitation in the response, but you still want to bring your animal along, look into a kennel or pet resort in the area you are visiting. Call soon as they book-up fast.
• Even though you’ll only be with ‘family,’ you need to be cognizant of everyone’s needs. Not everyone loves your dog as much as you do, and just because no one has mentioned an allergy to dogs (or cats) doesn’t mean you shouldn’t inquire yourself. Pets are like people in many ways, and you wouldn’t show up to someone’s home with an ‘extra’ guest for any other occasion.
• If you do decide to bring your pet, make sure you’re well prepared. Carrying cases, leashes, plenty of food (asking to feed your pet from the table or pantry gets old fast), and bowls ensure that the host home doesn’t have to put their nice china out on the floor.
• Always keep plastic bags and clean-up materials handy. Even though ‘it just wipes right up,’ not everyone is comfortable with shedding hair or animals accidentally using the restroom in their home. Perhaps that’s why they don’t have one—or why they keep their pet outside. Be aware of the noise and smell of your animal, especially when inside a home.
• Lastly, if you do take your pet to someone's home for the holidays - or anytime - consider leaving a gift certificate or arranging for a cleaning service to come and clean their home after all the company is gone. Trust me, you - and Fido - will be welcomed back.

And if you decide to leave your pet at home, send them off for a ‘vacation’ too at your local groomer or pet resort!

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Shopping Madness

After hearing from many friends and family what a zoo Black Friday was (I said no to shopping that day), I thought I'd share my thoughts about being a considerate shopper. We do still have 27 shopping days before Christmas. So, imagine, you are standing in your favorite electronics store with another stranger who also observes that there is only one DVD player left on the "red light special." Do you flip a coin, start a DVD player tug-o-war or offer to let them have it? (I know, that's a hard one.) Here are some suggestions next time you find yourself in a similiar situation:
· If there are not enough items to go around and too many shoppers, do your best to take the minimum of what you need. If it’s not possible to subdivide the items (like a DVD player or turkey), politely wish the other patron happy holidays and move on to the store. It’s not worth causing a scene.
· When the number of people in a store escalates, so do the number of carts. Remember to ‘drive’ your cart in much the same way as you would a car. Stay on the right side of your lane, and try not to ‘park’ your cart in the middle of an aisle, making it difficult for someone to go around you.
· If it’s unclear who was in front of who in line, be gracious. The few extra minutes it will take to let them go in front of you will go much quicker than the few extra minutes it would have taken if you ‘cut’ in front and had everyone’s eyes on the back of your head. (Haven't we all done this to the "line cutter?")
· Empty cart and basket at the checkout; being courteous to the stores’ employees is something that will payoff later—they will remember you during the crazy season as well as during the calm. Address them by their names and be patient when they don’t have all the answers because they cannot memorize thousands of SKU’s. And like your mom taught you, always say thank you.
· Be courteous to those behind you and have that credit card - or cash -ready to pay when it’s your turn. If you are paying in cash, make sure you have enough and don’t have to count through all your change after everything is rung up.

And remember, it comes down to a common case of "treat everyone as you want to be treated."
Happy shopping all.

Making Etiquette Easy,
Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Parking Lots

As we gear up for the season of good cheer (and lots of turkey!) we will start to see the influx of people in parking lots nationwide. Tis’ the season, right? So how do we practice good etiquette and friendliness while we’re out and about during some of the most stressful and chaotic times? For some reason, parking lots become feeding grounds for instant-anger and loud horns. Here are a few tips:

• Follow all the legal ramifications of the lots, including speed limit, one-ways, and not utilizing handicapped parking spaces if you don’t need them.
• Be wary of pedestrian crosswalks—that parking space isn’t worth taking out someone’s leg. Besides, they do have the right of way, no matter how many of them there are!
• Keep moving—lulling about waiting for a spot to open up only blocks others and creates danger. It also communicates ‘laziness.’
• Leave the best spaces for less able visitors. Yes, there are less able visitors than you.
• When you find a spot, parking correctly is crucial. If you park appropriately in the center of the lines, you leave less room for your car (or others) to get dinged.
• Only use your horn if you fear you are going to get hit. Otherwise, your seemingly ‘justified’ action can be taken as a lack of grace. And what are they really learning from your loud interjection, anyhow?

Park-on my friends & remember, no one really enjoys a crowded parking lot!

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: To Forward or not to Forward

In a time where digital junk mail can rival the tangible pieces in your mailbox, the practice of clicking ‘forward’ has become the norm. No matter how funny the jokes are or how pressing the matter seems to be, it’s important to ask, “Do I really want to forward this email?” Here are a few things to keep in mind:

• If the contents of the email are in any way libelous, offensive, racist, obscene, or inappropriate, your mouse should be racing for the ‘delete’ button. It is much better to verbalize what you heard later than to send it—in writing—in a public format for both obvious professional and legal reasons.
• If you’re at work, keep in mind that the company reserves the right to your time and likely has a way of tracking you down if you indulge in forwarding personal or non-work related emails at any point during the workday. It is unprofessional and can be a distraction to the recipients.
• People get annoyed; even though you might think something is going to be so funny for the recipient, you are gambling against a ‘please stop sending me these’ conversation. In no instance are chain letters okay, no matter how cleverly they are disguised. Your coworkers would rather risk ‘not having good luck for the next ten years’ for some sanity today.
• If you do choose to forward on appropriate/relevant emails, be sure to edit out all other forwarded info and headers, BCC all future recipients (to protect their privacy), and be sure to include a personal comment in the body of the text. Rename the subject of the email so they know whether it is urgent or not.

So think twice before you pass anything along. You are creating a reputation by every forward you send.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Game Day

With Mayor Moncrief’’s declaration of today as ‘Purple Day’ to support our hometown TCU horned frogs’ success this season, it’s time to take a look at what you can do to make every game—be it a win or a loss—a good game. Tailgates and stadiums bring on a plethora of social behaviors that might be expected, but aren’t always accepted. Here are a few things to consider next time you set out to celebrate your favorite team:

• If you’re hosting a tailgate, be aware of your surroundings. At many schools, tailgaters camp out in front of students’ homes. Do not block driveways without permission, play obnoxiously loud music, or start the charade at an ungodly hour (i.e. 6am is too early). Asking to use the restroom—or doing so publicly in the lawn—is also inappropriate, no matter how badly you have to go. And finally, pick up all of the trash.
• Don’t mooch. Turn up early and always bring something to the table (namely food or beer). Recognize it is not a ‘fair’ trade to provide a twelve pack of hot dog buns and expect unlimited imported beers.
• If you’re rooting for the opposing team, it’s perfectly fine to wear corresponding jerseys/attire. It is not fine to yell at opposing fans or be irreverent in all of your behaviors. You are, essentially, a guest; keep in mind you are also outnumbered.
• Avoid debauchery in public for any reason. People sometimes think that they won’t be judged or that drinking in excess at games is an exception to the rule, but it’s not. There are plenty of people who bring their families and don’t deserve to have to shield their children’s eyes from ‘that guy.’
• Don’t forget the reason you came. You should find your seats about 20 minutes before kickoff to ensure you can support the team you came for. As a rule of thumb, you can be as loud as you want when your team is on defense, but always be quiet during the snap so your players can hear their own calls.

Playoff’s are just around the corner, and it’s not too late to show your love for the school as a seasoned fan with class and character!

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Splitting the Tab

Just the other night, I was talking to a group of friends at dinner about a fairly common and somewhat uncomfortable topic of 'splitting the tab' in a group situation. What happens when you decide to have a salad and water and the guy three seats down orders lobster and wine? When it comes time for the check and everyone has a different preconceived notion of how the bill will be taken care of, the fiscal nightmare might be more heartburn than the food. All of this is without mentioning the toll it takes on both business and social relationships. Here are a few guidelines to ensuring you put yourself in the 'I ate this, I'll pay for this' or 'We'll split everything as one big happy group' camp by choice:

• One way to go about this is to determine who will handle the bill at the end of the night before even arriving at the restaurant. Probably the only acceptable circumstance to utilize your cell phone at a dinner - just be discrete - diners can use their calculator/tip applications to calculate their total fee. Add 27% to your food & drink bill to cover tax and tip and give the money to the designated person.


• Unless you have personally done the inviting and plan to take care of the whole bill, most people expect to split the bill evenly on a business lunch/dinner. An extra five or ten dollars isn't worth causing tension in a business relationship. It's the little things that show the business character in yourself and others.


• If you're concerned about splitting the bill--even the first time you dine with someone, it is not at all inappropriate to notify the waiter before the meal that you want a separate check. The key is to do this beforehand; afterward can cause tension for the waiter, who didn't plan for separate checks. Let the waiter know that they can add 20% gratuity to your check, giving them an incentive to make things go smooth as well.


• Try to bring cash and small bills, which can also alleviate the escalating fees of 'just put it on my card.' It is perfectly acceptable to budget beforehand and stick to your plan, especially in today's economy.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Have We Met?

It happens to the best of us--we all forget someone's name that we know we should remember. When it happens to you, make sure you're ready to turn the situation into a non-event. Here's how:

• When you forget a name during an introduction, don’t panic. It’s only a big deal if you make it one. The most important thing to do is to apologize and state that the persons name has momentarily slipped your mind. Usually, they will jump right in and finish the introduction.
• If you forget the name of someone you’ve previously been introduced to, try to find a connection point by stating something you remember about the person. For this reason, when you can’t remember someone’s name, but you are sure you have met before, you can say, “it’s good to see you,” instead of “it’s good to meet you.”
• If you truly don’t remember meeting someone, allow yourself to be reintroduced. In this case, you can quickly apologize and thank them for triggering your memory. It’s far better than appearing to be pretentious in front of someone you’ve already met. There’s nothing worse than meeting someone five times for the first time. And when you do encounter these folks, maintain your appropriate demeanor and etiquette, and just consider them, “introductionally challenged.”

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Introductions

Experts say we form a lasting opinion of both people and brands within seconds. If indeed this is the case, introductions – and first impressions – are even more important than ever. I’m excited to build a lasting relationship with my readership, so I’m laying the groundwork for my intro in the pages of my blog. Allow me to introduce myself…

My name is Susan Karkoska Medina, President/Founder of Susan K. Medina Communication Strategies, LLC and the author of Bird on a Wire Etiquette Blog. Every week I will offer timely etiquette tips for various business and lifestyle situations to make etiquette easy and less intimidating. If you have an etiquette question you would like to see addressed in the blog, feel free to email me at susan@susankmedina.com or post your comments on the site. I look forward to getting to know you better and helping you create a polished, professional, and socially congenial take on modern-day business and social interaction.

For starters, here are a few key tips to keep in mind when introducing or being introduced in a business environment:

• First things first, everyone should be introduced; this creates the right tone for a sense of inclusion. It is the norm for a senior-ranking person to introduce a junior ranking person(s) to their superiors or to a group. Multiple introductions can be made at the same time to eliminate redundancy.
• When making introductions, always offer the title and full name of the person you’re introducing. You can even offer a brief and relevant piece of information about the person or what they do.
• When making and receiving introductions, be sure to extend a solid handshake, look the person in the eye, and listen carefully to their introduction. These physical tools set the stage for a positive connection.

For more etiquette tips, see my column in the Fort Worth Business Press.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Susan K. Medina Joins National Field Resource Network as Director

Susan Medina is the newest addition - and director - to a group of the nation's premier grassroots campaign managers known as the National Field Resource Network (NFRN). The NFRN provides politically sophisticated corporations, trade associations and lobbyists with an efficient source for generating grassroots and public affairs action on legislative issues. With seven regional offices and territorial management techniques, the NFRN brings on-the-ground knowledge that few firms anywhere in the country can match. Regional office locations include: Atlanta, Chicago, Fort Worth, Hartford, Houston, Philadelphia, and Washington D.C.