Making Etiquette Easy: Backing out of Financial Commitments

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While it's never fun to be the 'party-pooper' when it comes to doing fun things with friends, sometimes we find ourselves on the outskirts of the planning process and miss the memo about pricing. So if you find yourself in the runnings for splitting a big bill without your consent, it can be tricky to navigate a way out. If you have to say no, here's how to do it with class:

• In a perfect world, it's best to state your intentions up front, before the planning gets started. For instance, if a group of friends wants to go to Mexico next summer, let them know that your interested but that you have to stay within a set budget. Or if you worry the funds could get muddled, perhaps you state that you are considering buying your own lodging/food while there. This notifies the group that they cannot just lump you into the sum without permission.
• If the planners do make reservations without your consent, contact them immediately. Don't let things sit and stir as there still might be time to fix the problem. Let them know you misunderstood. If the cost is non-refundable and you do feel like you misled the others, offer to pay cancellation fees or even a portion of the trip cost- still much cheaper than actually going.
• Never borrow money to afford the trip.
• If you do decide to go or participate, don't be embittered towards the others in the group. Try to be a good sport and the next time there is a financial collaboration, offer to help organize so that you can control what is spent.
  

Making Etiquette Easy: Copycat Coworkers

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If you've ever been considered a 'fashionista' in the office, you've probably experienced your coworkers approaching you to ask where you purchased that top, how much those earrings cost, or who designed your shoes. While imitation may be the greatest form of flattery, it can be quite frustrating to see your coworkers show up within weeks wearing the exact same clothes, thanks to your tips on where to find them. Here's how to dissuade this copy catty-ness:

• Contrary to our very public culture, you don't have to be forthcoming about everything. Since many people just aren't aware of how invasive their questioning can be, it's important that you don't feel badgered into answering, which leaves you without control in the conversation
  
• Instead, respond with things like, "this old thing?" If the item is obviously brand new (as many trend-driven items are) you can communicate that you don't remember where you bought it. These days, many things can be bought second-hand or in vintage shops, where they are one of a kind.
  
• Another great way to redirect the conversation is to suggest places where they sell similar items, so you know you're coworker won't find the exact same article of clothing.
• As far as price quotes are concerned, don't feel that you have to divulge that information, either. Feel free to tell the other party that you'd rather not say, you don't remember, it was a gift, etc.

Making Etiquette Easy, Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Cubicles

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For those of you who work in close quarters like cubicle-styled offices, there is a whole new set of rules to abide by. Tensions run high when people don’t feel like they have their own space. Here are a few tips to remember if you’re in a tight spot:

• Avoid the urge to actively eavesdrop. Even though most noise travels pretty well, try not to answer questions if they aren’t being asked of you.
• Be aware of your vocals and keep them low. As your mother would say, use your ‘quiet voice.’ And when you need to talk to your next-door coworker, get up and go to their cube, do not yell over the wall.
• Don’t abuse technology. Speakerphones and music are out of the question. Bring headphones if you want to listen to something and otherwise just plan on contributing to the white noise.
• Cubicles are not private. For private conversations, suggest meeting in a meeting room with a closed door. Do not say anything within a cubicle you wouldn’t wish everyone in the office to know about.
• If you’d like to speak with someone, always ask if you can come into his or her space. Don’t surprise them. When a person stands or begins walking towards the entrance of the cubicle, that is your cue to politely exit.
• Munch lightly. If you have to eat at your desk, make sure you aren’t eating anything with a pungent aroma that will carry over the cubes.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Telemarketers

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You’re sitting at the dinner table and the phone rings. Against your better judgment, you pick up, only to hear the familiar insurgence of sales words. Telemarketers can be downright frustrating, and it’s easy to consider dismissing them with the click of a dial tone. Since it’s not the person and rather the company you are really angry at, remember these things next time you get an unwanted call:

• Check Caller ID: If you have Caller ID, this is probably the easiest way to filter unwanted calls. If it’s a really bad time or you’re in a bad mood, don’t pick up. If you are ready to confront the issue politely and prevent these calls in the future, pick up with a friendly voice.
• Hear them out: Always try to patiently wait out their introductory speech. It’s likely as hard for them as it is for you. Wait until there is a break in the conversation before you interrupt.
• Express your disinterest: Be clear about your intentions. Leading a telemarketer on is not only rude, but it is costing them valuable commission money they could be making on another customer.
• You can be politely stern. If the telemarketer isn’t complying after you’ve expressed your disinterest, sternly state your ground again.
• Ask to be removed from their call list. An easy way to end these encounters in the future (ignoring them doesn’t mean they won’t keep calling) is to ask for a confirmation number that they’ve removed you. Then visit, www.donotcall.gov to manually remove yourself from most calling lists.
• At last resolve, if the person will not stop soliciting you, you’ve done all you can. Let them know you are going to disconnect the line, and then do so.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Basic Bathroom Etiquette

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It used to be that the restroom served on purpose, but these days it’s become a feeding ground for ill-mannered folks to feel like they can get away with a few more things than usual. So, we’re going back to the basics and taking a look at some bathroom etiquette, and for some of us, “laws of the ladies lounge.”

• Hall Pass: Remember when you used to have to take a large wooden peg with you to the restroom in school? Teachers started this when students began abusing their liberty of using the facilities. Instead, they would wander the halls and dilly-dally. The same thing has been happening in the workplace. Don’t abuse the privilege for reapplying makeup all day or wasting time.
• Always wash your hands and clean your mess. Of course we all know that the little metal handle is intended to be pushed, but too many people don’t follow-through on their flush. Be courteous to those coming in after you and make sure the stall is as neat or neater than when you left. If there is no toilet paper left, either replace it or alert maintenance. Always wash your hands.
• Pay attention when you enter the restroom. You may be in a huge hurry to go, but you should check underneath stalls (ladies) to see which ones are occupied. Pushing doors with flimsy locks can only lead to embarrassment for both parties.
• Respect your neighbor’s privacy. If there is only one other person in the restroom, try not to take the stall directly next to them. In the same light, do not carry on (or try to carry on) conversation with coworkers while in the bathroom. If you came together, whoever is finished should wait outside for the other person.
• Don’t call people from the restroom. Unfortunately this has become all too common these days. Using your cell phone in this private place creates anxiety for others who are in the restroom to use it, not to chat. Respect this policy and let people know you will call them back in a few minutes.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Funerals

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Sadly, the amount of funerals we attend seems to multiply as we age. And what’s most upsetting at times is when people are disrespectful at these somber occasions because they didn’t brush up on their etiquette- or maybe even common sense. Remember these things next time you attend one. While many people may not notice your appropriate behavior, they will certainly notice when you act in bad taste.

• Only attend funerals for people you know or whom your spouse/family was close to. You should blend into the crowd, not waving to everyone you know like it is a social event. Remember that while you might have already reconciled the passing of this person, others may need time to grieve.
• Never take pictures or video/phone media to record any part of the service. These ceremonies, unless nationally broadcast, are meant to pay homage in privacy. Besides, the result of this media usually only relives the sadness.
• If you’ve offered to help with the planning, food arrangements, or accommodations for guests, do not charge the family for such services. People get taken advantage of in times of distress, and you should be there for support, not profit.
• Be careful of your commentary. Comments about the size of the funeral or stories of things ‘far worse’ that have happened to yourself or your friends are not appropriate in this setting. Never complain about the food, weather, or time frame of the ceremony.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Internet Forums

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Internet forums, chat rooms, and fan sites attract a wide audience. From avid sports fans, gamers, or stay at home moms who want to give advice, it’s safe to say that the viral communication is going on 24/7. The beauty of these forums- whether membership-based or open to the public, is that anyone can join in. The downside is that foul play tends to run amuck…

• You are free to be anonymous, but keep it nice. Lots of folks tend to get extra-heated about controversial topics and voice their anger through forums. And even though anyone can state anything under their alias name, it doesn’t make it okay to be disrespectful.
• Do not use all caps. Using all caps is the equivalent of shouting at someone, and it’s distracting to read as well.
• If you are posting feedback, make sure it’s relevant. Comments like “Agreed” are best left unsaid. Try to bring value to a conversation thread or refrain from typing at all. In that respect, read the posts beforehand to make sure you aren’t cutting in with a random thought.
• Keep your signatures (anonymous or not) small and to the point. People enter these chat rooms and forums to read content, not your bio.
• Always keep on topic. Don’t dig up old threads to respond to that have clearly been archived for a long time. There’s a reason the conversation didn’t go anywhere the first time.
• When posting pictures, make sure they are web-appropriate. Nothing controversial (or oversized) should distract from your message.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina