Making Etiquette Easy: Handling Bad Hygiene "and other" Office Odors

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If you work in an office environment, you know about close-quarters with office mates. But this phrase takes on a whole new meaning when you throw in at least one employee who's hygiene and habits are not up to par. Maybe it's body odor, bad breath, heavy perfume or an overall disheveled look. Whatever the case, it can actually be distracting enough to lower the productivity in the office when the person is around. So what's a person to do in this situation?

• If you are a coworker, the best thing you can do is notify your boss politely and privately. Share your concerns about how it's affecting your work and possibly others'. If you're the boss, understand it's your responsibility to handle this situation. If you leave it up to others in the office, they might not be as politically correct which could lead to other problems.
• Don't play blind. If you recognize the smell, know that others do as well. Being proactive about something that is easily fixable is much better than bucking down and ignoring it.
• Be direct. Approach the person one-on-one in a non-confrontational and casual setting. Don't have a 'team meeting' to vaguely discuss hygiene with the office; offenders usually don't know they are in the wrong. The worst thing you can do is drop hints (i.e. giving them gum, toothpaste, etc.) without being fully honest.
• When you do approach the person, use phrases like, "This is a tough conversation to have" and "if it were me, I would want to be told." The key is to focus on the business aspect, not the personal nature of this complaint. Let them know it may be turning off clients or that there are just too many people in the office and every situation is magnified. Let them know that you are addressing this issue for their professional future and growth opportunities.
• Brevity is necessary. Don't linger on the subject. Once you're sure the offender "gets it," let them get back to work. Keep the conversation private and don't share any information with other employees.
  

Making Etiquette Easy: The Money Complainer

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Most of us have seen some hard times in our past and have, at one point or another, been at the mercy of a budget. So we can totally sympathize when one of our friends is reformatting his or her life in light of recent financial changes. But it's taken to a whole new level when all we hear about it how 'strapped' they are, and watching them turn bitter as their complaints keep broadening. You can be there for your friend while also being the voice of reason by following the etiquette tips below:

• Dealing with the Complaints: Acknowledge your friend's complaints by letting him or her know that you are sorry to hear of their trouble. Resist the urge to paint the silver lining, since you don't want to downplay their struggle. If they continue to pester you with the same remarks, say, "Yes, you mentioned that. Again, I'm sorry."
• Organizing Positive Meet-ups: It's likely that your friend won't be initiating any contact for a while as financial messes can end up making them feel trapped inside the house. Reach out to him or her and suggest things you can do together that won't cost anything. Think about picnics in the park, a Redbox movie night, or a walk at the park.
• Being Wary of Spending Habits: It's very frustrating to have a friend always discussing his or her lack of cash, only to find that they are wearing the latest designer shoes or carrying Apple's most recent invention. In this scenario, you should express your concern for the person by letting them know you've heard what they've been saying, but also see what they've been spending. Offer to talk openly about how they're dealing with the transition.
• Don't be Bothered: For some people, complaining about money might not even be a real indication of financial trouble. Ever met a straight A student who never felt like he or she did 'well' on a test? It's in some peoples' nature to shed a negative light on things. If this is the case of your friend, either ignore the remarks or politely point out that they're usually more responsible than they infer they are.
  

Making Etiquette Easy: Addressing Questionable Baby/Pet/House-sitters

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When someone enters your home, be it to guard the house, the lives of your children, or entertain your pets, it can be a nerve-wracking experience. You're placing your trust in an individual to treat your house or your family with utmost respect, but you never really know for sure (unless you install camera's) what goes on when you're gone. It's important to trust your instincts; if you think someone is not doing a good job, follow this plan:

• Always remember you are the boss. Set clear expectations, in writing if possible, and make sure to review everything thoroughly with potential sitters. If you get an inkling that they are not at all interested or paying attention to the seriousness of your notes or discussion, you can politely let them know that someone else will be handling it. (You need not disclose who, since you probably have yet to find someone).
• Ask Questions. You have every right to ask questions about how the days or weeks went. Since your pets and small children -or even the walls of your house- cannot give accurate updates, each sitter should be prepared to give an account for their time.
• Drop-In's are Alright. If you do have a suspicion, you can always go home and pick up something you 'forgot.' Especially with small children, this will bring you some peace of mind to know that the sitter is doing their job. If they aren't or you feel a red flag, you can call it an early night right then and there. Paying the sitter the full rate early is a small price to pay for your loved ones' and homes' safety.
• Don't Make the Same Mistake Twice. If you do find that the person responsible was acting irresponsibly (throwing parties in your house, forgetting to feed the dog, ignoring the kids, etc.), let them know that you won't be asking them back. And no matter how desperate you may be - don't ask them back!
• Be Truthful in your Recommendations. Neighbors or friends may ask about using your babysitter, house-sitter, or pet-sitter. Without spreading town gossip, you can simply say you don't recommend so-and-so, and leave it at that. People will be grateful for your honesty, and will hopefully feel more inclined to be the same way in the future.
  

Making Etiquette Easy: Consoling Broken Hearts

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In honor of Valentines Day - and for any of us who have ever spent this lovin' holiday solo - let's talk about what happens when the relationship does not go so well.. We've all had a friend call (or maybe we even made the call ourselves) to sob about a relationship's end.

• Don't Instigate. You may have heard there was trouble brewing, but never be the one to badger and ask your friend how things are going with their significant other if you smell trouble. Let them call you or be the one to volunteer information about what went wrong. Even as close as you are, breakups are a very private matter that need some time to heal before someone's ready to disclose details.
• Be a Good Listener. This goes without saying, but be available to listen, listen, and listen some more. Those whose hearts have been crushed can masterfully state the same principle over and over again with different words. Always listen, and create room for them to feel comfortable venting by asking questions like, "what else happened" or "of course, let's talk about this."
• No Slander. As tempting as it may be, don't focus any of your energy on the opposite party (the one who 'dumped' your friend). Your friend will most certainly have mixed feelings about him or her, and you never know that they won't get back together. This is an especially unfortunate error if the opposite party eventually becomes an in-law.
• Be Patient. You've got to be willing to buck-down and know that 90% of the conversations with your friend will revolve around this situation for weeks and possibly months. Be as sympathetic and understanding as you can. You never know when you'll need the same graces.
• Don't Talk about "Other Fish in the Pond." A breakup period is not the time to discuss all the other possibilities for dating. Your friend needs time to heal and feel comfortable in their own skin. The worse thing you can do is encourage rebound relationships, which only delay the real grieving process and end up being messy.
• Provide Healthy Distractions: Taking your friend to bars and clubs may seem like a no-brainer, but it doesn't really do much for their overall health. Spend time with your friend doing things to take their mind off of the breakup, not impair their memory. Concerts, dinners, movies, sports, church, etc. are all good suggestions.
• Don't Offer False Hope: The most important thing to avoid is falling into the trap of saying, "he/she will come back." Doing so provides false hope and only delays the reality that the relationship is over. Be kind to your friend, but be realistic. In the end, they'll trust you so much more.

Making Etiquette Easy: Handling Divorce Socially

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According to repeated statistics, the likelihood of divorce in the United States is high. And as unfortunate as it may be, none of us are in the place to step fully into one another's shoes to comprehend what they've gone through when couples decide to go their separate ways. What we can do, however, is politely and appropriately respond to our friends and colleagues with etiquette and respect.

When navigating around this difficult topic, here are some things to remember:

• In the Workplace: If you hear that someone is getting a divorce, a simple, "How are you doing? Please let me know if there is anything I can do," is an appropriate response. Offering your sympathies could be considered an unintended insult. Remember, most people like to keep their personal life separate from their work life, so always respect that first.
• Divorce Parties: While many are still on the fence about these celebrations of singledom, I'm a believer that there is always some kind of loss in this situation, and celebrating it- namely with gifts and alcohol - isn't the best way to go. Steer clear of conviviality in honor of this occasion.
• The Thought that Counts: While I'm also not an advocate of sending a 'divorce card,' a thoughtful call or note can be appreciated. Instead of focusing on the bad, try to suggest a night out to see a funny movie or going to dinner instead of ex-spouse bashing.
• Keep your Thoughts to Yourself: Even though you may disagree with the choices of another, you should always keep your thoughts to yourself once a decision has been made. This is to protect any children involved, as well as assure your continued professionalism and/or loyalty to the person.
• Don't Ask: Always remember that the affected person is the only one who has the right to bring up the matter of their divorce. Do not ask invasive questions or personal questions on the matter since you don't know all the facts.
  

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: A New Year at the Gym

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You've already read our initial rules for Gym Etiquette, but we've got a few more to share with you this time around. Since it is January, a month when gym memberships and usage typically jump up about 20 percent thanks to New Years' resolutions, it's the perfect time to get into the sweat and grime of some creative newbie- and veteran- mistakes. Thank you, WSJ, for reminding us of these hazards:

• Technology Shutdown: We all know (don't we?) that it's rude to talk on your cell phone while using exercise equipment. If you need to make a call - step out, and forfeit your machine. But you should also know that even having your phone on (awkward yoga class interruption, anyone?) or playing your own remix of tunes from your speakerphone are not cool.
• Salt & Water: Always wipe down your machines. Even if you didn't feel a mist, it's only right. And don't hog the water fountains, or -gasp - spit in them. These are fueling stations, not the bathroom.
• Machine Thieves: Since most gyms are like a cattle call this time of year, you can expect lines tens of people deep waiting on the machines. Don't be the person who walks up to an open one without checking the list first. Also know, it's not appropriate to sign your friends up for classes or machines if they aren't present.
• Knowing your place: If you've never tried a certain class - i.e. yoga or Pilate's, make sure to take your place in the back of the room if at all possible. This enables you to observe and learn, while not being a wobbly distraction to a very 'focused' practice.
• Be on the Lookout for Personal Trainers: Personal Trainers are everywhere. Make sure to check with them if you are about to use those extra dumbbells on the floor - or maybe that mat. Since trainers work in circuits, it can be easy to mistake an accessory as not being used, when really it is.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Paying for Advice

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What is it our parents always said?,"If Joey jumps off the bridge, are you going to jump too? Learn from other people's mistakes." But the reality is, some us still learn the hard way - trial and error. As it is with my own professional experience over the years, I have a wealth of friends and resources who have achieved similar gains in their respective fields. This means I typically know who to call should I need sound advice about my taxes, a new home purchase, or even a wardrobe makeover.

When you seek advice from friends or colleagues, here are the things to remember:

• People work for money. Try to remember this principle when asking to borrow someone's time, especially if it is taking time away from their family. Always make the first move and offer to pay for their time/service. They may turn you down, of course, but you should always offer and at the very least, take them to lunch or drop by a small gift.
• Creative paybacks are acceptable. As stated above, your friend may not accept payment from you, but odds are they will accept another form of gratitude. Perhaps you can offer to assist them in the future if they have a need that falls under your professional umbrella. Think of it as the 21st century barter...
• When in doubt, don't compromise. If you get the feeling that what you're asking for is too much, too privatized, or putting your friend in an awkward position, back down. It's far more important to preserve the relationship than to settle your questions in the present. You can always ask your friend for recommendations of other professionals to reach out to.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina