Making Etiquette Easy: Sympathy

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Life is full of ups and downs, and a few of each category will seem to hit us when we least expect it. When a coworker loses a loved one, it can bring complete chaos to their professional and personal life. And though these situations can be awkward and uncomfortable for each party, make sure you abide by the following to offer the best support possible for your coworker:

• Express condolences right away: Be sure to acknowledge what happened and express your sympathy as soon as you are able to see/call the person. Pretending it didn’t happen or avoiding the topic shows a lack of real concern and can cause hurt feelings.
• Attending the funeral: If there is an open funeral being held and you are able to attend, you should try to go, especially if you are close with the coworker. This is the most obvious way to show support for them in their grieving process.
• Read the obituary to find out where to send flowers or donate a memoriam: If you cannot attend the funeral, certainly send flowers to express your condolences along with a card or designate a memoriam to their favorite charity (these days it is common for the family to include their loved one's favorite charity in the obituary). It is acceptable to pull resources with office mates for a joint donation or flowers to let your coworker know you are supporting them during this time.
• Be specific about how you can help: Many people will reach out during times of distress to friends and coworkers to let them know they can help. But the best way to do this is to be specific about what you can do for them. Perhaps you can offer to check their work voicemail, handle their clients, or bring dinner to their house. This keeps your grieving coworker or friend from having to organize or think about daily tasks, which can be extremely difficult during their time of loss.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Maternity

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If you work at a company with women from all stages of life, odds are that you will eventually have personal contact with a soon-to-be mom. If you are a woman yourself, it’s easy to believe you know exactly what it’s like for that person, but everyone deals with these kind of events differently. Especially when you’re in the workplace, be sure to abide by these general rules so you don’t unintentionally cross any boundaries.

• If you’re not sure, don’t say anything. Sure, you may have worked with her for the last two years and you are certain that she’s never gained weight like this, but don’t assume she’s pregnant or ask just based off of hypothesis. If a woman is pregnant, wait until she is ready to announce it before mentioning it.
• Refrain from commenting on eating habits or weight: Chances are that you’ll notice a few changes in your pregnant coworker, including her eating habits and her body shape/weight. Even though it’s a natural part of life, refrain from talking about food or weight as they can make even a secure (non hormonal) person uncomfortable.
• Don’t touch the stomach: Whatever you do, it is completely unacceptable to touch a woman’s stomach in the workplace. It may be something you do often when your sister is pregnant, but touching a person’s stomach is a very personal manner. Even if it doesn’t offend the one who is pregnant, it can certainly make for an awkward situation in the office.
• If you attend a shower, bring a gift. If you participate in a workplace baby shower, be sure to bring a gift as well. If you are not close with the soon-to-be mom, still invest in something off of her registry or a gift card.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Chivalry

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Today’s business chivalry no longer makes a clear distinction for the way men should behave towards women and visa versa. And while chivalry is quickly changing with the tides, it is being replaced with a more all-encompassing gender-free idea of courtesy and helping people who truly have need. Here are some things to remember about chivalry in a business environment:

• Get the Door: Traditionally, it was only considered proper for men to hold the door for women. Today, whoever happens to be in the lead of a group is expected to open the door and hold it for everyone to enter. (Though most gentlemen will insist a woman walk through a doorway before them.)
• Foot the Bill: Men have almost always paid for meals in the past. These days, whomever does the inviting or organizing is considered the host and should pick up the tab for all invited guests.
• Putting on Coats: While in the past, men would assist women in preparing for the elements, though it is not obligatory for either gender to aid in this act any longer. Unless someone is having trouble, it’s acceptable to let everyone take care of their own coat.
• Stand at Attention: Men were expected to stand every time a female entered the room, even if she was returning from the restroom. Today, it is considered respectful to stand when greeting a client or superior of either gender and I personally think it is very considerate for a man to stand when a woman returns to the table or enters the room for the first time, though not required.
• Pulling out the Chair: While this chivalrous act is still very much alive in the dating culture, it should be vetoed for business. If someone requires assistance, they will let you know.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Adult Birthday Dinners

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While we may have traded in the days of face-painting and jump-houses to rightfully celebrate our birthdays, we haven’t stopped creatively celebrating them into our adult years. But sometimes the colors and crayons seemed so much simpler. Nowadays we have to figure out if we can bring gifts, who’s paying, and what’s expected of us. Here are a few birthday party tips to keep in mind:

• No Gifts means No Gifts: If you read on an invitation that the honored guest requests no gifts, do not bring one. No matter how you feel about coming empty-handed, it will be much more uncomfortable for the host, the honored guest and the rest of the party who correctly abided by the instructions. You can always make a donation to their favorite charity and write that message inside their birthday card.
• If they don’t want a Party, don’t have one: Sure, you may be a party-planner extraordinaire, but the last thing you want to do is go against the wishes of the person you are trying to respect.
• Ageless Invitations: Typically, unless it’s a mile marker invitation that the honored guest agrees to ‘fess’ up to, leave the age off of the invitation. A lot of women and men prefer not to publicize their age on party invitations.
• Who Pays for What: Always take your cue from the invitations. If the honoree has sent out an invitation and invited you to join them for dinner, it is proper to let them pay. If they simply indicated a meeting point for a gathering, it is likely that you will be paying for your own meal and then chipping in for the birthday man/woman.
• Most importantly, have fun while celebrating another year with friends and family.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Sharing a Ride

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Every once in a while, we’re going to have to ask for a ride. Whether it’s car trouble, a close-call departing flight, a sprained ankle or the dealership doesn't have a loaner while your car is being repaired. And since we’ve all been called to help someone out by playing chauffeur for the day, we should all feel comfortable following a few guidelines for sharing a ride on a friend or coworkers’ wheels:

• Be Prompt: If you ask to be picked up at a certain time, you should be ready at that time. No one likes to burn fumes outside of your house waiting to take you where you need to go. Remember, they are doing you a favor.
• Have Directions: Always be over-prepared and bring directions. Even though you think the driver surely knows your destination, it’s better to be on the safe side and not cause any misdirected frustrations.
• Offer to pay for Gas/Snacks: If your ride is extensive, you should certainly offer to pay the driver gas money, offer to buy them Starbucks, or take them to lunch on another day. The price you are paying is much less than if you had taken a cab.
• Make Polite Conversation: It is very uncomfortable to ride in a car with a silent partner. If you know the person well, this likely won’t be an issue.
• Let the Driver be in Control: Even if you loathe the music that is playing on the stereo, do your best to ignore it. The person behind the wheel is doing you a favor and you are obliged to follow their lead. This includes biting your tongue if you dislike the way they drive. If it becomes a persistent problem, you might consider asking someone else for a ride in the future.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Houseguests

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Many of us have friends who live miles away and have graciously opened their homes to our visits over the years. And while we all like to think we’ve been the best guests they’ve ever entertained, it doesn’t hurt to brush-up on a few tips to keep things smooth on the guest-front:

• Wait to be invited. Just because you have a friend or relative who lives in a destination you would deem a ‘vacation spot,’ it doesn’t mean that they necessarily want to entertain company. Be sure the offer has been extended before you book a flight.
• Do not overstay your welcome. As a general rule, two to three nights for an out of town visit are acceptable. If you are coming over for dinner only, it’s appropriate to stay for about one hour after the meal.
• Actively show your appreciation. If you are staying for more than one night, consider cooking dinner for the family or treating them to something special, like dinner at their favorite restaurant. This shows appreciation for their wonderful hospitality.
• Be respectful of their current household nuances. If you’re staying with the most organized person you know, try to keep your belongings neatly tucked away (and always make your bed). If you notice they take the trash out quite often, be sure to help and collect your trash as well. The important thing is to blend into their lifestyle.
• Extend the same offer. It’s frustrating to be on the entertaining side and have your guests tell you that they can’t wait to visit again, without mentioning that you are welcome in their home. Unless you don’t have enough space, it is proper to extend the same offer to your hosts.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Business Call Distractions

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Since time and distance doesn’t always allow for face-to-face conversations, phoning someone on a business call is the next best thing. And while sometime you might be making calls from outside of the office - from your hotel room while on business travel or home with a sick child -there are a few things to remember about being professional on a call:

• Refrain from Eating: Not only is it hard to understand someone while their chewing, but even the most discreet chewers can be distracting. If you notice someone on the other end of the call is eating, you have every right to mention that ‘it sounds like it’s not the best time’ and offer to call them back later. (You could even say in a surprised tone, "are you eating right now?"
• Do not run water (i.e cleaning dishes, etc): Even if you are simply being efficient by cleaning up last night’s dinner mess or wiping down the counters, it’s not very obvious what you are doing from the other end. It’s best not to raise suspicions about inappropriate "restroom" behavior while on the phone.
• Sit up: It makes a world of difference whether you are sitting or laying down during a conversation. The person on the other end of the line can detect this by your less-alert state of mind. Be sure to keep your energy high and voice clear.
• Move away from distractions: Do your best not to keep the television on low or even muted. Any kind of distraction can keep you from being as professional as possible.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Basic Airline Etiquette

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Whether you're a regular business traveler or it's your first time flying, most of us will wind up at the airport and on a plane at some point. And though very regimented, airports (and TSA) seem to continuously bring about new rules and regulations when it comes to flying. Here are the most important things to remember about your boarding, in-flight, and exit experience with your favorite air carrier:

• Limit your luggage. Pay attention to the size restrictions and don't be the one 'pushing' your luck at the counter with over-sized luggage. When it is time to get on the plane with your conservative-sized carry-on, walk with the bag in front of you down the aisle, as slinging it over your shoulder can cause you to accidentally bump folks as you make your way to your seat. (I've been knocked in the head a number of times by careless "over the shoulder" large bag carriers - ouch.)
• Store your bag directly above you in the overhead compartment or at your feet. Do not store your bags in a front bin for a quick exit; this means someone else will have to put their bag further back and wait for several rows to depart before they can even get to their baggage. If you need to move someone else's belongings, be sure to ask.
• Sit in your assigned seat until it's obvious what seats are open. If you wish to switch, it's rude (and should be somewhat embarrassing) to already be sitting in someone else's seat. Be understanding when others ask to switch with you to be near someone else- these favors may need to be returned someday.
• Remember to be courteous to your fellow travelers. Make sure you aren't hitting them if you lean your seat back. And don't force conversation on someone who might want to just relax. If you are working in-flight, keep everything directly in front of you and don't allow your in-air office to spread to another person's area. If someone next to you is working, do not look over their shoulder to read information.
• Keep the aisles open. Try not to have 'business meetings' with coworkers during a flight. You never know if the competition could be listening, and it's very disruptive to other passengers.
• Make sure not to get up while the flight attendants are walking with the beverage carts, it slows everybody down. When it's time to exit the plane, wait your turn and don't stand in the aisle until it's your turn to exit. It's makes for a better experience for everyone - including you.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Roommates

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Ah, the good old days of college. Not surprisingly, having a roommate who is a friend (and not your spouse) has become more common these days. Whether it drives the rent down, keeps you company, or makes you feel safer, the etiquette you must learn to cohabitate successfully remains the same. Don’t think you fall into this category? There’s always that weekend retreat, work conference, or even a getaway with girlfriends. When the time comes, remember these tips:

• Be up front and frank. Leave your passive-aggressiveness at the door. People who communicate (as in all relationships) make things work. If you can’t sleep with the lights on, say so. If you just have to watch the weather nightly, say so. Always be willing to compromise.
• Be tidy. This should go without being said, but the key is to do so without procrastination. Whether you’re sharing a hotel room or an apartment, sloppiness has a tendency to send type A people over the edge.
• Record all shared expenses and reconcile them quickly (i.e. if one roommate pays electricity and the other reimburses). Settle all discrepancies and then don’t look back. Keep a detailed record for reference.
• If you host something in the shared quarters, be sure to invite your roommate if the occasion allows. In the same light, if you’re roommate is hosting something special or intimate, make plans to let them have their space.
• Be modest. It’s better to air on the side of caution, changing your clothes behind closed doors and keeping your outside conversations private. Some people are very uncomfortable in those situations an you shouldn’t put them in a place of anxiety out of carelessness.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina