Making Etiquette Easy: Money & Family

Image from Girls Just Wanna Have Funds

As we've all grown older, it's obvious that the traditional platform of our parents providing for us and our siblings should be winding down when we hit our 20's, right? Some have found that even our parents - let alone siblings - are running into financial trouble as a result of the stock market, economy, or just plain money-management issues. If we're living the 'good life,' how can we help family members financially without overstepping our bounds?

• First, take the time to think about whether offering financial help will be received graciously or if your offer could be taken the wrong way and end up being offensive. Each family has their own dynamics
• Second, formulate a specific way to help. Many families find that offering money as a one-time gift alleviates the strings of feeling indebted. However, some family members may want to pay you back, so be open to letting them work up a payment plan. Just remember, no matter how good the intentions, you must treat it as a gift in case they aren't able to pay you back.
• Thirdly, money isn't the only option. Chances are that your family members have had to sacrifice along the way. Consider treating them to dinner, sending gift cards to the local supermarket, or surprising them with little gifts along the way. The key is to minimize the focus on their humility and instead perform casual acts of kindness.
• It's easier to give when "the ask" doesn't happen every day. You definitely do not want to be an "enabler" when it comes to family member who cannot manage their finances, so if you do get a request for a loan "just to get them through the month," feel free to offer them in establishing a budget, etc.
• Lastly, learn from experience. Mixing money and family can be a very delicate dance. If you notice that the family members are abusing your generosity or simply not being good stewards of the gifts, it's probably time to close the bank.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Smoke Signals

Image from Commons.Wikimedia.Org

For those of us who are non-smokers, it can be hard to be around a habit that we disagree with and genuinely find unpleasant. When we're trying to enjoy a nice meal on a restaurant patio, it can be hard to decipher the taste of the food from the noxious smell. Or when we're interviewing employees (or even babysitters), it can be hard to jump right in after smelling "the habit" on someone's clothes or breath. So where's the line in discussing someone's personal habit in terms of work and social life?

• If you're in a public place that allows smoking, there isn't really much you can do. The best way to handle a close-quarters situation is to politely relocate.
• If you're in a place where smoking isn't permitted, by all means you should approach the establishment owner or staff to request they put the kibosh on the cigarette smoke filtering your way; you shouldn't have to exchange words with the smoking patron.
• While it is not politically correct to judge someone in an interview by their personal habits, it is your right to discuss how many workday breaks are acceptable, a code of hygiene for client interactions, etc. These things tend to be the largest issues with employees who smoke.
• When you want to address a smoking situation for personal reasons (i.e. babysitters, family visiting your home, etc), feel free to make it clear that you really value the person but dislike the habit. In your own home, you are allowed to set house boundaries, especially when it affects those you love.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Reciprocating a Meal

Image from Open Salon

Say you've just moved into a new neighborhood and your next-door neighbors are insisting you join them for dinner. And after you've endured hours of painful social interaction- whether they were just plain rude, too quiet, or gossipy- you want nothing more than to put an occasion like this behind you. But that nagging feeling of obligation makes you believe you have to reciprocate their offer, so do you?

• The feeling of obligation in this situation is something we bring upon ourselves. You certainly do not have to invite the neighbors over for dinner just to 'even the score.' Perhaps they felt the same way about your company and won't be badgering you for any dinner dates in the near future.
• If you're willing to give it another go, try to integrate them into a larger group. Consider inviting them over for a larger social event at your home so that you aren't sucked into talking to only them.
• Maybe you feel that it's best not to have any future social interaction. In this case, you can easily send a food basket, flowers, or a nice thank-you gift to your hosts in lieu of enduring another evening of unpleasantness.
• If they continue to ask you to get together, be upfront about not being available. Over time, hopefully they will ask less.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Weekend Run-in’s

Image from Jupiter Images

As invincible as we’d like to think we are, none of us are free from the occasional awkward run-in with a business contact or employee on our free time. We might be bumping carts at Costco, in the waiting room of the doctor’s office, or even out of town for a quick get-away. And while we almost always regret wearing those questionable pair of shorts or old tee-shirt, there are a few things to make the situation less awkward and get you out of there faster:

• Always be prepared: Like the Boy Scouts, you should know that whenever you venture out of your house, there’s a likelihood that you will run into someone you know. The chances of this seem to grow exponentially when you don’t look your best. Consider taking the extra time to ‘pull yourself together,’ it will help alleviate any embarrassment on your part and possibly perceived rudeness from others when you aren’t your friendliest.
• Acknowledgement: When you do run into someone you know, be sure to acknowledge him or her. While it seems easier to just ignore them at first, it can be off-putting. Even if it’s just a wave, it’s a polite courtesy and a subliminal affirmation of value.
• Start & finish the conversation: Chances are that both of you were enjoying your own version of a stress-free weekend, so making conversation while wearing your Croc’s is a definitive turn in the opposite direction. It is polite to say ‘hello’ and ask how the person is doing. But after that, it’s best to let them have their privacy by ending the conversation with something like, ‘I will let you get back to shopping/etc.”
• Mind your own business: If you continue to see them or run into them at the same location after you’ve exchanged words, you needn’t say anything else. Go on about your business and allow the other person to do the same. As stated, this really only works once you’ve exchanged a ‘hello.’

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Better Offers/Invites

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How many times have you found yourself lightheartedly accepting a social offer and later putting your foot into your mouth when you’re presented with a better one? It happens to all of us at one time or another. How were you to know that you were going to be given front row concert tickets to your favorite band of all time the same night you agreed to go to a pal’s birthday party?

There are always exceptions to the rule, but for the most part, here are the rules for accepting and handling obligations:

• Weigh all offers carefully: Before you ever accept an invitation - be it a a social event, a networking opportunity, or a corporate obligation - think through it carefully. It’s okay to let someone know you are appreciative of their offer and get back to them at an acceptable date in the near future. If you are trying not to miss important annual events, anticipate their timing by searching online in advance.
• Commit and don’t look back: Once you say ‘yes,’ make your word as good as gold. You may receive several invitations for the exact same date and time, but you’ve already committed to one. The most important thing to remember is that your reputation is built on your trustworthiness, which starts with honoring your commitments.
• Express regret: When you do receive other offers, make sure to let the inviting party know immediately that you have a prior commitment, but that you are grateful for their offer and would love to "take a rain check" (if applicable). It is impolite to discuss all the other events you had to turn down with the host of the event you do actually attend.
• If you have to cancel…In rare circumstances, you might find yourself with no choice but to cancel your initial RSVP. These circumstances include: family illness or death, or any other kind of unforeseen catastrophe. Most other excuses on the list risk generally are considered in bad form and your hosts may not forget or forgive them easily. As it is in business with clients, you should always treat each obligation as if it were your only one.
• And whatever you do, do not cancel via email. Always call the person/organization to which you are committed with an appropriate apology. If it's a speaking engagement or business commitment, always have a back up plan so you are no leaving those to whom you've committed in a lurch.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy:Responding to Job Applicants

Image from Resume Tips 365

We've covered topics about how to conduct proper business etiquette when being interviewed as a candidate, but there is a whole other side to the interviewing table--the employer. In today's digital age, the image you project and the way you handle job queries and applicants can have widespread effects on how the company is perceived by many.

· Make it Personal. For as impersonal as many company job application sites are, it is important for any applicant to feel like they will be able to connect with a real person during the process. If at all possible, provide a name for the applicant to address their resume/CV to, even if the email account is generic (i.e. info@________.com).

· Be clear about job expectations & requirements. When posting jobs online, it’s your company’s responsibility to be upfront and clear about job expectations and requirements prior to receiving submissions. The more specific you are in the description, the smoother the process.

· Always respond to an inquiry. One of the biggest downfalls of online applications for candidates is the uncertainty that their materials have even been received. If you anticipate a large volume of applicants, the first item of protocol is to ensure that you at least have an automated response letting applicants know their materials have been received. If possible, the most professional measure is to send individual emails to candidates, whereby you can notify them ‘personally’ that you will be considering them or keeping their resume on file.

· Be flexible with interview schedules. When you do decide to take your pick out of the crop of resumes and begin the interview process, make sure you are understanding of their time constraints. Don’t expect someone to be able to come in on the same-day and be willing to work around his or her current job schedule. As bad as they want the job, it may be impossible for them to get to your office for a same day interview.

· Allow the Interviewee to ask questions. Many employers can get wrapped up in the interview process, treating it like a company presentation. Make sure to engage the interviewer and ask relevant questions that allow both of you to see where they would fit into the company picture and what kind of partnership this might form.

· Follow up on interviews. Unfortunately, I’ve heard far too many stories of candidates going in for one or more interviews, only to be left hanging afterwards. It’s vital to a company’s reputation to, at the very least, let a candidate know the position has been filled or that they are not being selected for the role. This not only shows your proactive care for potential employees, but also frees you up from getting continuous calls about the status of an individual’s application.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Coffee Shop Business

Image from Slashgear

These days, coffee shops are the quintessential 'out of office' meeting place and many home office-based consultants consider it their "flex office." If you've been to your local coffee house lately, you've witnessed what I'm describing. You're bound to find several business folks

typing on keypads, chatting on cell-phones, and sipping on the latest espresso creation. For those who do spend a good chunk of their day at the nearest corner shop, be sure to remember some responsible coffee house etiquette:

• Point of Sale: The first order of business when you enter a retail location, even if they offer free wi-fi, is to prove your patronage. Even if your purchase is small, it counts as your ticket to politely occupy space. As a rule of thumb, at least one out of every two people in a group should purchase something.
• Single Seating: If you're sitting (working) alone, be sure to seek out the smallest area of space. If there is a free seat next to a window bar or even a two-seater, always choose this option over seating that is meant for a larger group. If your only option is a larger table, be aware of other customers looking for seats and offer to share your space.
• Watch the Clock: While you're welcome to come anytime during business hours, a coffee shop should not be your primary place of work. Be sure to acknowledge the staff and not wear out your welcome, both things that will pay off in the long run.
• Beware of the Broadband: Make sure you're not draining the internet energy out of the room by downloading video's or hosting online video conferences. Keep everyone up to speed by working on basic documents and emails.
• Use your "Inside" Voice: Make sure the volume is off on your computer so that you aren't a distraction to other patrons and if you need to take a call, keep your decibel level to a minimum.
• Clean Up: Always be mindful to return chairs and clean up your work area/coffee when you are ready to leave.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina

Making Etiquette Easy: Corrections

Image from USC

It's fair to say that correcting someone's grammar or etiquette in public is a worse show of decorum than the original offense. But what do you do when someone is blatantly in the wrong to the point that you or others feel uncomfortable their behavior?

If you are a parent, teacher, or employer, it is acceptable to correct your child, student, or employee respectively. But if you are a friend, coworker, stranger or even family member, there are a few different rules that should apply.

First, it is important to consider your relationship to the person as well as the necessity of making the correction (i.e. if the person was about to do something life threatening, by all means make quite a clamor).

The main thing to consider is to make sure you are correcting them out of humility. If you thrive on other people's weaknesses, it might be best to keep quiet. Another sincere way of helping them is to speak with them privately. Usually, correcting someone in public is very humiliating and reflects poorly on your character. This may not be true in some specific business situations whereby your knowledge could save time or money. But for the most part, patience with someone's lack of manners demonstrates your own.

If you do handle the private conversation tactfully, you might receive a surprisingly gracious response. Helping people avoid future embarrassment is a very polite thing to do. Remember that your correction should be for their own edification and not your own. And if they respond spitefully or embarrassed, let them discover their next error in their own time.

Making Etiquette Easy,

Susan K. Medina