Making Etiquette Easy:How to Respond When You're Not Sure

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We all know the situation well...that terribly awkward silence that ensues when someone asks something for which you should know the answer. Whether you're a professional who needs to brush up on your "stuff" or an interviewee who's caught like a deer in the headlights, everyone should know the social graces to get around the stammering, uncomfortable silence, and (heaven forbid) temptation to lie.

Follow these rules to appear you're prepared, even when you really aren't:

• Do not lie. No matter how large the conundrum; do not fabricate a response. Doing so could single-handedly ruin your reputation, or, what's left of it since you clearly didn't have the right answer. Resist all urges to pull together something 'smart,' since most folks can detect an insincere or "made-up" response from miles away.
• Pause, but don't quiver for long. It is perfectly appropriate for you to pause and collect yourself, especially to recall bullet point number one. However, after a short lull, you should be prepared to face the questioner and provide them with some semblance of a response. Staying silent will only cause confusion and embarrassment for both parties.
• Confess or redirect the conversation. Depending on the scenario, it may be best for you to respond with a "that's a great question." If you are unsure of the answer, but feel that you could seek it out through research, a colleague, or that the answer will be made known in the near future, offer to get back to the person.
• Be articulate but not political. Try not to let your nerves get the best of you. Say what you need to say to evacuate the situation in a politically correct manner, and then leave the topic in the dust. There's humility in being able to laugh and poke fun at your own shortcomings.
• Learn from these "what in the world just happened" moments. As soon as you are able, research your answer and rehearse how you could respond differently next time. While you can't know it all, at least you will be better prepared should the same topic arise in the future.
  

Making Etiquette Easy: TMI

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We've all heard the phrase, "too much information," or "TMI" for short. It's a blatant overstepping of boundaries when someone decides to reveal or discuss information we would have been just fine not knowing about in the first place. Bathroom humor and specifics about illnesses typically fall into this category. But what about the rest of the "gray" area - stuff that may or may not be that controversial to share - especially with our coworkers who've become like family?

It's almost impossible not to open up and let coworkers in on our lives, especially considering that we spend most of our waking hours, lunches, and sometimes even dinners with this group of folks. Here's our guideline for knowing what information you should and should not volunteer:

• Keep your "game" face on. Decisions about your character, your work ethic, etc. are being judged everyday at work. While you don't always have to have the facade of being perfectly astute and without mistake, everything is taken into consideration when it comes to advancement or promotion. It's hard for a boss or employer to not consider you a risk if, for instance, they're aware of your credit card debt, nasty divorce, or see you crying on a weekly basis because of personal issues.
• Keep your cards close. Many things will unavoidably be shared. For instance, you may be going through a divorce, leaving work for a death in the family, or making frequent trips to the doctor. Since many of these activities take away from your time at work, you can volunteer the reason, just do your best to keep personal details vague. Coworkers can appreciate your honesty without having to go through all the motions with you.
• Don't chat on the clock. If you do feel like confiding and sharing, save it for lunchtime or after work. Outside of the general, "how was your weekend" kind of greeting, you shouldn't be going through your minute-by-minute routine.
• Remember that it's a two-way street. Limit the amount of information you burden on your coworkers (remember, they're not getting paid for this!), but also, don't pry into the lives of others for their personal information.
• Share joys and keep the bummers quiet. As a general rule, if you've got something worth celebrating, like a new birth or wedding announcement, by all means let people know. But if you've got family drama or depressing news, keep it more private. The bummer items are great to take to your local minister or best friends outside of work.
• Finally, if despite all your best efforts, you're just not the type to differentiate between your 'work self' and 'personal self,' know and accept the fact that professional opinions will be formed and taken into account when corporate decisions are made.
  

Making Etiquette Easy: Nicknames

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You've got a new coworker in the office who introduces herself to everyone as "Elizabeth." Is it okay to casually drop in a "Liz" here or there? Read on for etiquette rules regarding nicknames, especially in the office:

• The introduction is the trump card. If a person introduces themselves to you as a certain name, than you have to assume that's what they prefer to be called. If not, let them be the one to tell you (i.e. "My name is Kathryn, but you can also call me Kathy.")
• If it troubles you to say someone's full name - or it's challenging to pronounce - you are free to ask if they prefer a nickname. If they say "no," you'll have to figure it out. Otherwise, you may open the door for a more familial relationship, especially if you volunteer a nickname for yourself.
• Never make up or use a name that isn't even associated with the person's name. For example, "Big Boss" or "Queen Bee." These terms can be taken offensively and land you in an HR or legal situation you hadn't bargained for.
• If you are the person whose name has been misused, wait for the next time you are addressed incorrectly and politely say, "Please, I prefer to be called _______." Your coworkers should quickly catch-on.
• Always remember that emotions are a tricky subject, and you never know if you are going to offend someone until it's too late. Be ready to apologize and mentally re-program the correct name into your memory.